Sports Symmachus, Vol. 3 No. 2
Before you continue reading, I must assure you: I'm not embellishing or twisting vocabulary for comedic effect. That headline actually happened.
[ad lib crude DeWanna Bonner pun]
www.outkick.com
The game ended a short time later, with Cecilia Zandalasini giving the Valkyries their game-winning shot, making the concluding score 77-75. Worth noting is that she used the basketball for those two points, not the long green thing. (And probably bathed in spaghetti after the game.)
One website I will call out is ClutchPoints. Their headline for the event is WNBA security called after unexpected object interrupts Dream-Valkyries. Wow, talk about a clinical phrasing! The "unexpected object" just "interrupted" the event instead of "was thrown into the game"? An object can certainly be interruptive even if it stays amidst the audience, although it isn't quite as likely. In example, a "Brittney Griner Sux" sign could perhaps cause Griner to lose concentration and miss a free throw or two, or lead to her turning over the ball. But I think anyone can agree that "throwing a dildo on the court of an active basketball game" is not quite the same thing as "an unexpected object interrupting a public sporting event". ClutchPoints' phrasing is so clinical and vague that it veers into disingenuous territory. Shame, ClutchPoints! This is definitely your "falls down after loud popping noises" moment. (Reminder of what actually happened instead.)
One of the lines from the ClutchPoints article also goes as follows:
I must say that it has been very exciting in the WNBA recently. During a game where the Phoenix Mercury visited the Washington Mystics, Kahleah Copper of the Mercury had her wig pulled out during gameplay!
This was followed up by a fan apparently being mouthy about the wig situation, and security kicking this presently anonymous fan out. I must say, the WNBA has no wig...gle room for disrespect! That and the Ghosts of Enword Utterers Past who keep showing up at WNBA games and apparently only communicate with Angel Reese.
Also, when female current or former teammates date each other (i.e. Paige Bueckers and Azzi "not Elmer" Fudd, who both played on the UConn team together), like what happens a lot in the lesbianism-friendly WNBA, a categorization issue arises: Who is the WAG and who isn't? Is one more WAGgy than the other, and takes up most of the WAG territory in the relationship? If they are both women whose girlfriend is a basketball player; then are they both WAGs for each other, or does their WAGginess cancel one another out meaning that neither of them are WAGs? And do they need any neon green di-
Okay, nevermind. I guess I won't ask that last question.
So, there it is everyone! This is my whole analysis on the neon green dildo thrown onto the WNBA court, as well as my second Sports Symmachus article about some type of Dick. I am just glad that our "unexpected object" of the hour did not hit a player in the face and leave a dick-shaped discoloration on it. To the female players applicable, how would they explain such an event to their same-sex significant other at home? Let's hope we never have to find out what happens in such a scenario, or that Caitlyn Clark isn't blinded by a projectile dildo in the future... or a projectile elbow, hand, knee, forehead, foot, rock, cannonball, sledgehammer, monster truck tire, nuclear missile, or etc. during a WNBA game.
Before you continue reading, I must assure you: I'm not embellishing or twisting vocabulary for comedic effect. That headline actually happened.
[ad lib crude DeWanna Bonner pun]
WNBA Game Halts After Neon Green Sex Toy Is Tossed On Court
A WNBA fan at the Atlanta Dream and Golden State Valkyries game threw a green dildo onto the court on Tuesday night — creating one of the most bizarre stoppages in sports, possibly ever.
www.outkick.com
The game ended a short time later, with Cecilia Zandalasini giving the Valkyries their game-winning shot, making the concluding score 77-75. Worth noting is that she used the basketball for those two points, not the long green thing. (And probably bathed in spaghetti after the game.)
Golden State Valkyries vs. Atlanta Dream - WNBA Game Summary - July 29, 2025 | WNBA
Check the game summary of the Golden State Valkyries vs. Atlanta Dream WNBA basketball game on July 29, 2025.
www.wnba.com
One website I will call out is ClutchPoints. Their headline for the event is WNBA security called after unexpected object interrupts Dream-Valkyries. Wow, talk about a clinical phrasing! The "unexpected object" just "interrupted" the event instead of "was thrown into the game"? An object can certainly be interruptive even if it stays amidst the audience, although it isn't quite as likely. In example, a "Brittney Griner Sux" sign could perhaps cause Griner to lose concentration and miss a free throw or two, or lead to her turning over the ball. But I think anyone can agree that "throwing a dildo on the court of an active basketball game" is not quite the same thing as "an unexpected object interrupting a public sporting event". ClutchPoints' phrasing is so clinical and vague that it veers into disingenuous territory. Shame, ClutchPoints! This is definitely your "falls down after loud popping noises" moment. (Reminder of what actually happened instead.)
One of the lines from the ClutchPoints article also goes as follows:
I must say that it has been very exciting in the WNBA recently. During a game where the Phoenix Mercury visited the Washington Mystics, Kahleah Copper of the Mercury had her wig pulled out during gameplay!
This was followed up by a fan apparently being mouthy about the wig situation, and security kicking this presently anonymous fan out. I must say, the WNBA has no wig...gle room for disrespect! That and the Ghosts of Enword Utterers Past who keep showing up at WNBA games and apparently only communicate with Angel Reese.
Also, when female current or former teammates date each other (i.e. Paige Bueckers and Azzi "not Elmer" Fudd, who both played on the UConn team together), like what happens a lot in the lesbianism-friendly WNBA, a categorization issue arises: Who is the WAG and who isn't? Is one more WAGgy than the other, and takes up most of the WAG territory in the relationship? If they are both women whose girlfriend is a basketball player; then are they both WAGs for each other, or does their WAGginess cancel one another out meaning that neither of them are WAGs? And do they need any neon green di-
Okay, nevermind. I guess I won't ask that last question.
So, there it is everyone! This is my whole analysis on the neon green dildo thrown onto the WNBA court, as well as my second Sports Symmachus article about some type of Dick. I am just glad that our "unexpected object" of the hour did not hit a player in the face and leave a dick-shaped discoloration on it. To the female players applicable, how would they explain such an event to their same-sex significant other at home? Let's hope we never have to find out what happens in such a scenario, or that Caitlyn Clark isn't blinded by a projectile dildo in the future... or a projectile elbow, hand, knee, forehead, foot, rock, cannonball, sledgehammer, monster truck tire, nuclear missile, or etc. during a WNBA game.
