I never really posted why I was here either, even though I've been here for a long time. I did an introduction, but honestly it barely scratched the surface of the WHY behind my madness. ;P
I've a few reasons, other than my children. Here's some, I guess.
- My best friend named Matt died in a car crash my sophmore year. He was the perfect person. Religious, nice, full of morals, and treated everyone like they were related to him. It has always hit me hard. I never understand the "why" of it until I was much older. Apparently he was driving his fiance (he was a senior) home from a movie date, and an illegal drove him off the road. Then shot him.
When we were told, I got a phone call from his mother and she was crying hysterically. Nothing has ever hit me as hard as that has. It turned out later that the illegal was running from the cops (he was caught selling coke to an undercover cop) and lost control of his car in the weather (it was raining really badly). When he was asked to exchange information, the illegal shot him in the head. The girlfriend had been thrown from the car, and later recounted the details.
What did the guy get from shooting my closest friend? 4 years. You heard me right. FOUR years. He was deported to Peru after he served his sentence, and is most likely back in Jersey now.
- My father was one of those "baby beaters". Not towards anyone in my family except me. My sibblings are just fine. It started the first day my mom went back to work (she stopped working after this) when I was 2 months old and collicy, and didn't end until they got divorced. I always wondered why me. Now I understand because of this website it's not me, it's HIM.
- My mother is a keen narcissist. I did a lot of research on it after I got married. The day I signed up on the website was another one of our many manipulative arguments that left me going "What the fuck is her problem?!". On the particular day that I personally found the website, I was drowning myself in the news to basically make myself fell better.
Usually it starts out like this: She calls, starts in on how she's worried about so-and-so in the family (usually it's my sibblings and she wants help with them again - prolly to lend money), then it goes onto how she's a terrible mother (the woe is me complex), and then she starts being a total psycho bitch where she berates me and basically tells me I'm worthless...which now I've finally gotten the nerve to hang up on her. Hubby and I currently haven't spoken to her since the birth of Peyton due to her shit.
I was drawn to the site during one of my news binges because someone had mentioned a certain case and the offender as being narcissistic. At the time I was googling narcissism, like I usually do, and this site came up as having briefly mentioned the word about some mother of a baby beater. I was hooked instantly.
- Morbid, Pooh, Athena, and a bunch of others are the reason why I have stayed. The Modesto case, where the people were standing there watching a child die before their eyes was enough to keep me. (
http://www.dreamindemon.com/2008/06/16/modesto-police-officer-does-world-a-favor/#more-1081) This hit close to home. Thinking that someone could so callously watch a child die, really hit hard. It's the first bit of news that I ever really got emotionally involved in.
- Athena's debating as well has helped me stay. I'm a HUGE debator with my husband. Ask him, I usually wind up debating with myself after I read some news and go ape shit about it to him. Drives him up a wall. The Three Things section is my home away from home.
I can write my own opinions about things without having them shot down as being "dumb". Whereas in real life, I cannot even offer the smallest opinion about the color purple. So in an effort NOT to stiffle my own urge to argue, or yell about injustices, this is a home away from home for me.
- Andrea Yates and a few other things from the news have seriously driven me to want to know more. I've always been interested in crime and how the inner workings go. In college I took a few classes and even considered becoming a prosecutor against rapists. I have this sick fascination with wanting to see rapists in particular in jail.
- My children weren't really the reason I became interested in crime. They are the reason I continue to keep up to date on it though. Pedophiles and baby beaters alike are very hard to "figure out". Knowing how they tick, or rather what they use to draw in kids, is a good way to protect them.
I knew letting my children talk to strangers was a bad idea. I had previously marked on a local map where all the local pedophiles are and memorized their names. However, I never knew to the extent just HOW dangerous and UNRARE it is. The media and even my folks acted like it was a really rare occurance. It is NOT.
- Also as many others have said...some of these stories are a good way for me to realize that I'm doing a GOOD job raising my kids. When I see some of these mothers defending their penises, I get infuriated. I LIVED like that, I HATE seeing people defend these assholes. So it's MY way of throwing stones at the complete utter wastes of flesh.
Also it was very hard getting pregnant the first time. We were actually told I'd never have kids, due to a prior medical problem. When our first was born, I could never have imagined doing anything like these assholes do to their kids. She was just too adorable (now she's a monster), and for her benefit as well as my own, I throw stones left and right...and I LIKE it. LOL