In the last moments of her life, Shawn Shatto turned to an internet forum.
The 25-year-old woman had been in pain for some time, suffering from severe depression and anxiety. She had sought help, her mother said, seeking treatment for her illness from doctors and therapists, even a hypnotherapist. None of it seemed to ease the pain.
Through fantasy, she escaped from a reality that treated her harshly, a reality that tortured what her family described as her kind and gentle soul. She loved Harry Potter – she had posters from the literary series hanging on the wall above her bed, and her bookshelves were lined with books and actions figures of the series’ characters – and gaming and anime.
She often felt as if she lived in a different world, her family said. “A square peg in a round hole kind of life,” her sister said. “She didn’t try to fit in,” her sister said. “She didn’t want to change for anybody.”
She would often say, “I don’t want to live, but I don’t want to die.”
On that day, May 22, a Wednesday, she logged onto the internet forum that had given her a means of escape, a forum dedicated to the topic of suicide.
Her final message, preserved on her phone, read, “Just took it. I’m (bleeping) terrified.”
Another member of the forum responded, “Safe travels and I hope you find peace.” The message was punctuated with a thumbs-up emoji.
No one on the forum encouraged her to seek help. The only help they provided, her family says, was a recipe for her to end her own life.
The website – it would be irresponsible to mention its name – posted a disclaimer shortly after Shawn’s death. It describes the site as “a forum where we discuss mental illness and suicide from a perspective of suicidal people, as well as the moral implications of the act itself.”
“This is a pro-choice forum, not a pro-suicide forum. We are not a pro-suicide forum, nor do we encourage anyone here to commit suicide. We do not provide the means or the tools to do so either.”
The disclaimer suggests that anyone feeling suicidal call the suicide hotline. It further states, “Beware that they may call emergency services on you if they think you are at imminent risk of death, so keep that in mind when you call. We were hesitant to put this number up because we didn’t want to see members involuntarily committed.”
In a post on the website, an administrator who goes by the name of Marquis acknowledged Shawn's death and added, "We deleted the thread and banned the member in question in accordance to our rules on 'Goodbye Threads.'"
