Well, since this was brought up on facebook, I will contribute my answer here as well.
I am here because of my morbid curiosity. That began sometime before I was 10 (I think I was actually born this way). I used to freak my parents out by telling them that one day I might kill a homeless person or a prostitute because I felt that it would be easy to kill someone who was the "scum" of society and get away with it. I don't really remember if I seriously wanted to do it, get a rise out of my parents or both. I also told them that one day I would become a world class spy. My mom insisted that I wouldn't be able to because then I would never be allowed to contact my family ever again; I would be dead to them by the nature of the job. I used to insist that that would be no problem. Honestly, I don't know how my parents and I are close to this day. I think I worried the shit out of them. I was a weird kid and I suppose I am now a weird adult. I don't have many friends, mostly because of my mental illnesses, but I'm sure I scare the braver one's away, and generally, I hate most people any way.
I probably should have gone into the police field. Something to do with homicide and investigating them. I'm pretty sure that seeing dead bodies wouldn't bother me that much since I find that type of thing interesting. Kids though would be hard. Not undo-able, but hard. Yeah, I'm not completely heartless.
One of the things I would like to do before I die is to stumble upon a dead body on accident (since I didn't get into an appropriate field to allow me to do it for pay). I don't care where, I just want to. If it were to be mixed with my husbands wish to go to Scotland then, meh, kill two birds with one stone. All the better. Efficiency is a great thing to me.
So, Athena, to answer your questions when you started this thread. Yes, I am a mother. I have four kids. Well, five actually. I lost my third child, second son when he was born by natural birth full-term stillborn. Even that couldn't curb my morbid curiosity but it isn't the same thing. I don't relate that incident to my curiosity because it is too personal. I can't really explain it. Many people wonder how I can still have the curiosity I have after losing my own child, but in my head, there is no relation to be made; no reason for it to be averted.
I have also been the victim of rape - twice, as well as severe bullying in school. Somehow, I have managed to keep a sense of humour about life. In a strange way, I kind of feel that being made a victim, allowed me to "see it" from a victims perspective, so I know that hurting others is not a thing I would like to do. I have often wondered, if I had been born a male, would I have become a monster? I don't know. Thankfully it hasn't worked out that way, but that doesn't stop me from reading about the monstrous things that other people do to each other and being intrigued by why or how. I am amazed by the things people do to each other and I honestly don't care either unless it's children or animals.
Fuck, I'm weirder than I thought, LMAO.
