Imsorryasmuchasimcrazy88
New Member
I’ve been writing a book. It’s about somebody with dissociative identity disorder. I’m recording the audiobook too though. I was going to post a portion of a chapter in audio form. I got the chills to pay the bills now lol. I just want to know if it sounds as creepy as I think it does. I’m very far along and I will definitely publishing it. I wouldn’t be surprised if I found a publisher. Still a lengthy process ahead, but I will definitely be seeing it through for the first time in my life.
I don’t know how to post it here. I might post other snippets, but I just want to make sure it’s creepy and you want to hear more like I suspect. I have a gift. I’m all grown up. I’m so crazy now that I’m well. It’s the craziest thing. A major theme in my book. Like a catch 22. I’m “well,” but I have to be super crazy to be well, which is quite the paradox. I can’t be well, but I swear on my children’s life- which is a crazy thing to do in my opinion, that I’m more well than I’ve ever been in my whole life, and I know how to stay well. Being super crazy is a big part of that is a big thing.
I liked you all in one way or another. Except for DIAF. I never once saw a redeeming quality in her. I’m not being a prick or trying to start, I’d laugh at her and ignore. I’m like the good guy who first came along, but I’ve grown up alot. I saw Nell posted in shout. I really like you Nell and I’m sorry that I have a couple of really terrible parts to me that no longer hold any power. I can’t feel like I did but I am sorry because I was a POS to you, and I liked you so much. You were my favorite when I enjoyed being around here. I’m super charming and can be quite manipulative, but any objective person sees that I’m just being truthful. Which is just further manipulation to some but its the truth to me. I’m just telling you what I think about my assholish behaviour. I have no interest in being anyone’s friend. I’m not adverse to it, I’m saying that isn’t my motive. My motive would be for you all to listen to my audio and give me an objective opinion, whether it be critical or not. Which would be a pretty harmless motive, whether selfish or not. Every word I just typed was true.
I know that people here like morbid things. No pun intended. You are my target audience so if it isn’t well received here? I’m wasting my time. The writing itself could be studied by psychologists because its absurdly honest with my personality disorders and mental illness very much on display, but in the most sane and logical manner possible.
The craziest thing about how I’m crushing life now? I have all of my personalities, subconsciously created for specific situations? Yet I’m not triggered. I mimic all of them. Calmly. To get whatever I need done… done. I don’t shift. I know exactly what I’m capable of. Feel? I can feel whatever I want but it’s detached. There’s no attachment. I just “feel” it because I know what it feels like. It’s the strangest thing. My mind used to run so fast. It still can. I let it run fast around family and friends because I’m quirky and funny. I don’t care if I stumble. I talk how I write now because I’m calm.
You want to hear something crazy? Lol I guess everything I say is crazy to some or maybe most, but it all makes sense to me. I took a psychopathy “test” last week on psychecentral or psychetoday? I scored a 19 out of 24 or something. Likely psychopathic. Now funny enough, a few days later? I thought to take the emotional intelligence quiz. One I set my wife up to fail a couple of years ago, so I could say “See? I get it. You don’t.” Which is awful but I was a broken human. Funny enough? We both did shit. No surprise there, in hindsight. So I took it on this site which may have been the same but I dont know. I scored in the highest capacity. 40+. Feelings. Theyre very misleading to many, but especially people with mood disorders. I’m pretty sure I scored a perfect test lol. Its how I know that I was a massive problem around here, even though I blamed others. I already knew though. Just positive reinforcement.
That last paragraph? Makes me society’s worst nightmare, if I chose to be. I don’t. I choose good. I have strong morals. I choose to help the weak. I only think about harming bad people and barely waste my time on that. I’m sadistic in a sense. I just choose to watch bad people suffer. Not people like DIAF, I mean people on this site. Featured of course.
I’m telling you women on here, parents of any kind? I’d calmly harm those people who are a threat to you or your kids. I just cant go to jail unless I need to. I would take glee in inflicting pain on them. I’d laugh in the face of their suffering. I don’t feel anything saying it, much less bad. They’re like me, but mean spirited. I love women and children. I used to hate kids lol. They’re so pure and innocent though. Malleable. You’d have to be the devil. All children are innocent. Even when they do bad shit. Malleable like I said. You can show them the right way. Adults, not so much. Not all women are innocent. I’m not saying that any woman deserves harm, but plenty do, that’s just honesty as much as I love y’all. I just wouldn’t be the one to do it.
Nice chat guys. I’ll be back soon, please advise if I can upload audio. I’m antisocial now lol. I dont know how to do the social online stuff anymore. I’m kind. Actually kind, not nice. I used to be nice. I’m anything but nice, now. I wish you all the best. Even new people who don’t know who the fuck I am. Might want to, I’m quite amazing now. Wait until you hear my vocals. From ice cold to bubbly and charming. I just feel whatever I want.
I actually mean this, while expecting my book to be a masterpiece in psychological terror? The ending? Is fuckkkkked. Primal fear vibes my friend was telling me and then I saw it. I loved that movie. My book is written in a way that I can slap it together in all kinds of order. I’ll figure out the best.
Stay positive everyone. This shit? Will rot your mind if you feel like I did. Im not telling anyone not to read it, I’m just telling some to try not to feel so much. Dead kids. Awful stuff. They’re not yours though. I would always think like they were mine. Become unhinged and murderous I recall. Write some white knight murderous fantasy towards them. Now I just dont care. Until theyre in my presence. Tell me then and they wont ever fuck with kids again. I wont even have to kill them. I’ve been afraid of people and things in my life, but I know that I’m the scariest person that Ive ever known now. I’ve known killers. Even doubted whether my hot homicidal rage was real. The feelings, you know? Right and wrong. Jail. All of it, twisting you back and forth? “I’m gonna do it. I shouldn’t do it. But I really want to. It’d feel so good, wouldn’t it?” Remove them? Different ballgame. Only if I needed to though. I’d still slap em around for fun.
Worst case scenario. I once got a fortune cookie. “Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.” Funny. Best advice that I could ever give. I was offended. Like my luck? This is my fortune, too!!?? I was a little hurt lmao. What a pathetic mind. If I go to jail? I used to think murder/suicide. Weak. I’d go to jail. I’d PC. Fuck street cred. I aint a gangbanger and I don’t have those friends anymore. I’d be around sex offenders. I’d get my exercise in. Befriend any exiled gang members to tag in for me when my arms get tired. I could do good from in there. With my new mind. I’d get out on good behavior too, guards would love me. I’d be so respectful to them and beat up the kid fuckers regularly. That thought almost makes me as happy as any other on the outside, and I’ve been pretty content of late. I can’t hurt people though. I don’t even want to. Except for them. I very much want to. I just dont need to. Wants and needs. I need to raise my children. I wont sacrifice any single one of my needs for all of my wants at once even. Prioritizing. Ive matured. I think y’all might like my book. I describe my own treatments. I do my own. I’m doing quite well and everybody loves me. Except for the ones I dislike. I’m far more conservative with my dislike now, if its of any consolation.
I’m drunk. I said I’d come back drunk again. I drank a few times since. Not this wine though. I guess this wine makes me come here. Strange. I’m not at all for forums when sober. I’m way too busy now. So many people to interact with. I make people feel so good that it really is a gift. I’m good at the opposite too, but it’s not nice. Unless I’m belittling a kid fucker. What a way to woo you all. Except anyone who knows when I felt? I was very nasty towards those kinds. Always. Every part of me. I just dont care anymore unless I can do something about it.
I dont write with anger anymore. I hope that it’s more enjoyable to read. You can ask me anything. I thought I’d have notifications from my last post a month ago. You hurt my inner narcissist lol. I just cant feel anything lmao. I’ll be back when I drink this wine next. Ask an axe murderer! I’ll answer. I really just want to know how to post my audio though. I think y’all might see what I mean in writing lol.
Lastly, I’m not an ass kisser but I’m sorry for being an emotional terrorist. If anyone, even a lurker or anyone? Ask me. Talk to me. Go in thinking that I’m a psychopath, and leave loving my advice… emotionally. Fuck with me. Hypotheticals. You will be entertained. I promise. You want to terrorize someone mentally? Plead a good case for them being worthy? I’ll tell you the most calm and mature manner to drive them batshit crazy. My own solutions blow my mind. Because I dont have feelings. I see very clearly.
I used to talk about my IQ lol. How lame and pathetic is that? I see people do it and I laugh. Of course I know that I’m a genius, so it makes it easier but those people are so insecure that they’re borderline stupid. However, my I.Q. is what makes my new found psychopathy, and off the charts emotional intelligence… quite pure.
Before? I didnt really think that I was better than everyone, I was a pathetic sad little man. I’m an intellectual giant now and I know it. I’m self aware. That’s so cringe. I’m an actual psychopath though. I’m sharing that. I’m not flaunting it. They all look down on you. Very much so. Simpletons. Catering to emotional ties and so easy to control. I dont do that though. I just know how to better than any of them because I’ve had the greatest conscience. I know every little thing that people think about. The threads to pull on. Which pisses me off. Not actually, but in theory. I do feel irritations. Like a fly buzzing in your ear. Swat it and move on. DIAF used to intentionally trigger me. I never did that to any of you, my regrettable behavior? Was that of a triggered lunatic. I was never premeditated like I am now. Barring this drunken rambling that interests me. Myself. I know it interests others.
The thing about me? People could pile on me. “Who do you think you are?” Someone you should be listening to. That’s who I think I am. Nothing bothers me. I have to get to sleep though. Fuck man. No I havent been up for some time. I never monitored my sleep. I have sleeping pills in case I need them. I always get my sleep. I used to do stretches like a junkie. Smoking weed lol. Which makes me anxious now. It doesnt always put me to sleep. This wine is nice.
I almost told 3 construction workers to watch their mouths today. Unreal. I’ve never even thought to tell an adult that. At Wendy’s with my kids. They said “fuck” three times every sentence. I aint a prude but I was like wtf? Even said “pussy.” I looked over a couple of times and one was like 50. I wasnt even mad, I just didnt want to have one react stupidly and cause me to raise my voice in front of my kids. Right next to us. Im not exaggerating. 3 f bombs per sentence. I’m in decent shape, arms wise, bigger than any of them. I’m not tall or anything. I don’t even consider that, I’m just saying that I wasn’t at all concerned physically. I make calculations. Physically? If I was concerned, I’d be scanning for weapons to use. I just wanted to tell them how unintelligent they sound. No wonder you look like you work with your hands. These buffoons get mad, I used to be one. I’m not in the mood anymore. If I feel threatened, I’m gonna neutralize that threat. My tolerance is at an all time high now. How many dumb altercations Ive gotten myself into? Feelings. I told my kids how dumb they sounded though.
When I was a “good” man? I wasnt. I was a temperamental shithead with good values now Im ice cold with good values. There isnt a comparison to be made. You ever want some of the realest advice? PM me. But I wont get back to you until I log in. I’ll respond to all so don’t feel unworthy, especially if I can’t feel anything. I’ll be the ice king for advice only. Warm and personable otherwise. I’d “love” you all if I could but I only love my family.
I don’t know how to post it here. I might post other snippets, but I just want to make sure it’s creepy and you want to hear more like I suspect. I have a gift. I’m all grown up. I’m so crazy now that I’m well. It’s the craziest thing. A major theme in my book. Like a catch 22. I’m “well,” but I have to be super crazy to be well, which is quite the paradox. I can’t be well, but I swear on my children’s life- which is a crazy thing to do in my opinion, that I’m more well than I’ve ever been in my whole life, and I know how to stay well. Being super crazy is a big part of that is a big thing.
I liked you all in one way or another. Except for DIAF. I never once saw a redeeming quality in her. I’m not being a prick or trying to start, I’d laugh at her and ignore. I’m like the good guy who first came along, but I’ve grown up alot. I saw Nell posted in shout. I really like you Nell and I’m sorry that I have a couple of really terrible parts to me that no longer hold any power. I can’t feel like I did but I am sorry because I was a POS to you, and I liked you so much. You were my favorite when I enjoyed being around here. I’m super charming and can be quite manipulative, but any objective person sees that I’m just being truthful. Which is just further manipulation to some but its the truth to me. I’m just telling you what I think about my assholish behaviour. I have no interest in being anyone’s friend. I’m not adverse to it, I’m saying that isn’t my motive. My motive would be for you all to listen to my audio and give me an objective opinion, whether it be critical or not. Which would be a pretty harmless motive, whether selfish or not. Every word I just typed was true.
I know that people here like morbid things. No pun intended. You are my target audience so if it isn’t well received here? I’m wasting my time. The writing itself could be studied by psychologists because its absurdly honest with my personality disorders and mental illness very much on display, but in the most sane and logical manner possible.
The craziest thing about how I’m crushing life now? I have all of my personalities, subconsciously created for specific situations? Yet I’m not triggered. I mimic all of them. Calmly. To get whatever I need done… done. I don’t shift. I know exactly what I’m capable of. Feel? I can feel whatever I want but it’s detached. There’s no attachment. I just “feel” it because I know what it feels like. It’s the strangest thing. My mind used to run so fast. It still can. I let it run fast around family and friends because I’m quirky and funny. I don’t care if I stumble. I talk how I write now because I’m calm.
You want to hear something crazy? Lol I guess everything I say is crazy to some or maybe most, but it all makes sense to me. I took a psychopathy “test” last week on psychecentral or psychetoday? I scored a 19 out of 24 or something. Likely psychopathic. Now funny enough, a few days later? I thought to take the emotional intelligence quiz. One I set my wife up to fail a couple of years ago, so I could say “See? I get it. You don’t.” Which is awful but I was a broken human. Funny enough? We both did shit. No surprise there, in hindsight. So I took it on this site which may have been the same but I dont know. I scored in the highest capacity. 40+. Feelings. Theyre very misleading to many, but especially people with mood disorders. I’m pretty sure I scored a perfect test lol. Its how I know that I was a massive problem around here, even though I blamed others. I already knew though. Just positive reinforcement.
That last paragraph? Makes me society’s worst nightmare, if I chose to be. I don’t. I choose good. I have strong morals. I choose to help the weak. I only think about harming bad people and barely waste my time on that. I’m sadistic in a sense. I just choose to watch bad people suffer. Not people like DIAF, I mean people on this site. Featured of course.
I’m telling you women on here, parents of any kind? I’d calmly harm those people who are a threat to you or your kids. I just cant go to jail unless I need to. I would take glee in inflicting pain on them. I’d laugh in the face of their suffering. I don’t feel anything saying it, much less bad. They’re like me, but mean spirited. I love women and children. I used to hate kids lol. They’re so pure and innocent though. Malleable. You’d have to be the devil. All children are innocent. Even when they do bad shit. Malleable like I said. You can show them the right way. Adults, not so much. Not all women are innocent. I’m not saying that any woman deserves harm, but plenty do, that’s just honesty as much as I love y’all. I just wouldn’t be the one to do it.
Nice chat guys. I’ll be back soon, please advise if I can upload audio. I’m antisocial now lol. I dont know how to do the social online stuff anymore. I’m kind. Actually kind, not nice. I used to be nice. I’m anything but nice, now. I wish you all the best. Even new people who don’t know who the fuck I am. Might want to, I’m quite amazing now. Wait until you hear my vocals. From ice cold to bubbly and charming. I just feel whatever I want.
I actually mean this, while expecting my book to be a masterpiece in psychological terror? The ending? Is fuckkkkked. Primal fear vibes my friend was telling me and then I saw it. I loved that movie. My book is written in a way that I can slap it together in all kinds of order. I’ll figure out the best.
Stay positive everyone. This shit? Will rot your mind if you feel like I did. Im not telling anyone not to read it, I’m just telling some to try not to feel so much. Dead kids. Awful stuff. They’re not yours though. I would always think like they were mine. Become unhinged and murderous I recall. Write some white knight murderous fantasy towards them. Now I just dont care. Until theyre in my presence. Tell me then and they wont ever fuck with kids again. I wont even have to kill them. I’ve been afraid of people and things in my life, but I know that I’m the scariest person that Ive ever known now. I’ve known killers. Even doubted whether my hot homicidal rage was real. The feelings, you know? Right and wrong. Jail. All of it, twisting you back and forth? “I’m gonna do it. I shouldn’t do it. But I really want to. It’d feel so good, wouldn’t it?” Remove them? Different ballgame. Only if I needed to though. I’d still slap em around for fun.
Worst case scenario. I once got a fortune cookie. “Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.” Funny. Best advice that I could ever give. I was offended. Like my luck? This is my fortune, too!!?? I was a little hurt lmao. What a pathetic mind. If I go to jail? I used to think murder/suicide. Weak. I’d go to jail. I’d PC. Fuck street cred. I aint a gangbanger and I don’t have those friends anymore. I’d be around sex offenders. I’d get my exercise in. Befriend any exiled gang members to tag in for me when my arms get tired. I could do good from in there. With my new mind. I’d get out on good behavior too, guards would love me. I’d be so respectful to them and beat up the kid fuckers regularly. That thought almost makes me as happy as any other on the outside, and I’ve been pretty content of late. I can’t hurt people though. I don’t even want to. Except for them. I very much want to. I just dont need to. Wants and needs. I need to raise my children. I wont sacrifice any single one of my needs for all of my wants at once even. Prioritizing. Ive matured. I think y’all might like my book. I describe my own treatments. I do my own. I’m doing quite well and everybody loves me. Except for the ones I dislike. I’m far more conservative with my dislike now, if its of any consolation.
I’m drunk. I said I’d come back drunk again. I drank a few times since. Not this wine though. I guess this wine makes me come here. Strange. I’m not at all for forums when sober. I’m way too busy now. So many people to interact with. I make people feel so good that it really is a gift. I’m good at the opposite too, but it’s not nice. Unless I’m belittling a kid fucker. What a way to woo you all. Except anyone who knows when I felt? I was very nasty towards those kinds. Always. Every part of me. I just dont care anymore unless I can do something about it.
I dont write with anger anymore. I hope that it’s more enjoyable to read. You can ask me anything. I thought I’d have notifications from my last post a month ago. You hurt my inner narcissist lol. I just cant feel anything lmao. I’ll be back when I drink this wine next. Ask an axe murderer! I’ll answer. I really just want to know how to post my audio though. I think y’all might see what I mean in writing lol.
Lastly, I’m not an ass kisser but I’m sorry for being an emotional terrorist. If anyone, even a lurker or anyone? Ask me. Talk to me. Go in thinking that I’m a psychopath, and leave loving my advice… emotionally. Fuck with me. Hypotheticals. You will be entertained. I promise. You want to terrorize someone mentally? Plead a good case for them being worthy? I’ll tell you the most calm and mature manner to drive them batshit crazy. My own solutions blow my mind. Because I dont have feelings. I see very clearly.
I used to talk about my IQ lol. How lame and pathetic is that? I see people do it and I laugh. Of course I know that I’m a genius, so it makes it easier but those people are so insecure that they’re borderline stupid. However, my I.Q. is what makes my new found psychopathy, and off the charts emotional intelligence… quite pure.
Before? I didnt really think that I was better than everyone, I was a pathetic sad little man. I’m an intellectual giant now and I know it. I’m self aware. That’s so cringe. I’m an actual psychopath though. I’m sharing that. I’m not flaunting it. They all look down on you. Very much so. Simpletons. Catering to emotional ties and so easy to control. I dont do that though. I just know how to better than any of them because I’ve had the greatest conscience. I know every little thing that people think about. The threads to pull on. Which pisses me off. Not actually, but in theory. I do feel irritations. Like a fly buzzing in your ear. Swat it and move on. DIAF used to intentionally trigger me. I never did that to any of you, my regrettable behavior? Was that of a triggered lunatic. I was never premeditated like I am now. Barring this drunken rambling that interests me. Myself. I know it interests others.
The thing about me? People could pile on me. “Who do you think you are?” Someone you should be listening to. That’s who I think I am. Nothing bothers me. I have to get to sleep though. Fuck man. No I havent been up for some time. I never monitored my sleep. I have sleeping pills in case I need them. I always get my sleep. I used to do stretches like a junkie. Smoking weed lol. Which makes me anxious now. It doesnt always put me to sleep. This wine is nice.
I almost told 3 construction workers to watch their mouths today. Unreal. I’ve never even thought to tell an adult that. At Wendy’s with my kids. They said “fuck” three times every sentence. I aint a prude but I was like wtf? Even said “pussy.” I looked over a couple of times and one was like 50. I wasnt even mad, I just didnt want to have one react stupidly and cause me to raise my voice in front of my kids. Right next to us. Im not exaggerating. 3 f bombs per sentence. I’m in decent shape, arms wise, bigger than any of them. I’m not tall or anything. I don’t even consider that, I’m just saying that I wasn’t at all concerned physically. I make calculations. Physically? If I was concerned, I’d be scanning for weapons to use. I just wanted to tell them how unintelligent they sound. No wonder you look like you work with your hands. These buffoons get mad, I used to be one. I’m not in the mood anymore. If I feel threatened, I’m gonna neutralize that threat. My tolerance is at an all time high now. How many dumb altercations Ive gotten myself into? Feelings. I told my kids how dumb they sounded though.
When I was a “good” man? I wasnt. I was a temperamental shithead with good values now Im ice cold with good values. There isnt a comparison to be made. You ever want some of the realest advice? PM me. But I wont get back to you until I log in. I’ll respond to all so don’t feel unworthy, especially if I can’t feel anything. I’ll be the ice king for advice only. Warm and personable otherwise. I’d “love” you all if I could but I only love my family.
