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Whisper

#byefelicia
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Kelli
Tragedy: Kelli Sly, 23, went to tragic desperate lengths to rid herself of the frustration of solo child-care, killing first her son Gavin, 2, then herself​
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Distraught: Sly's mother, Sherri Sinclair, said her daughter was suffering from depression​

Mother, 23, kills her two-year-old son before committing suicide by driving car into bridge after ex-husband fails to show up for visitation
Kelli Sly was being threatened with eviction from her apartment
Told her mom she couldn't cope and that she felt like killing herself
Police found Gavin's body at her apartment after she was discovered dead in her car
It is not yet known how Gavin died, as police wait for autopsy reports


A young mother went to tragic desperate lengths to rid herself of the frustration of solo child-care, killing first her son, then herself.

Kelli Sly, 23, of Indianola, was angry with her ex-husband for failing to show up for visitation, police said, and wanted more help looking after her son, Gavin.
She killed the toddler at their First Avenue apartment, before driving her car into a bridge support underneath the Iowa Highway 5 bypass along Iowa Highway 28.
Friends and family said she was suffering from depression and often appeared distraught. In the past she had been a victim of domestic abuse and was being threatened with eviction from her apartment.
But during a police check-up the day before her death she told offers she was not suicidal, just mad at her estranged husband, Tim, who had failed to pick up Gavin for visitation.

Officers went to her apartment after Tim contacted them saying he was worried she might hurt herself, having made previous attempts to do so.

They left after Sly told them she was fine, but by 8.30 the next morning both Sly and Gavin were dead in what police believe was a tragic murder-suicide.
Her car was found with an empty child seat in it so officers went to her apartment, concerned for the child's welfare. There they found Gavin’s slaughtered body.

Sgt. Brian Sher said evidence at the apartment, which was ‘very neat and organized,’ led police to believe that she had killed her son.
Distraught: Sly's mother, Sherri Sinclair, said her daughter was suffering from depression
‘There was an envelope left and it had several items in it,’ he said. ‘There was no suicide letter.’
Sly’s mother, Sherri Sinclair of Waukee, told KCCI-TV Sunday that her daughter had been struggling with depression, but that she never thought it would end up this way.

She added: 'It's still a shock, it's hard to understand what went wrong.

'She told me she was tired of feeling this way and she just didn't think things were going to get better. She told me she felt like killing herself.

'I think she felt like things were never going to get better. She was a very angry and depressed, but also a very loving mother. I know she loved me too, but it was just hard for her to cope.'

In August 2011 Sly had sought a protective order for relief from domestic abuse, according to court records.
After a month she requested to have the order lifted but changed her mind five days later. On Friday she made a second request.
Sly and her husband were allowed to be in electronic contact to discuss Gavin and had not filed for divorce.

The 23-year-old Waukee High School graduate worked at Casey’s convenience store before her death.
A colleague, 18-year-old Melinda Talbott said she had spoken with Sly a couple of days ago and said she seemed distraught, but added that was not unusual.

The young mom had found out Friday that she was being evicted from her Warren County Community Housing Agency apartment in a week, Talbott said.
Neighbour Dianna Nardini said she saw Sly, her husband and Gavin on Saturday and that Sly had appeared distant and preoccupied.
‘I’m shocked, I really am, because she was a really, really good mother,’ she added.
[...]
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...x-husband-didnt-visitation.html#ixzz1qNXrBz8x
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Estranged: Gavin's father, Tim Sly, was separated from Kelli but was still supposed to help with child-care. It was he who rang police to alert officers to his ex-wife's fragile state of mind​
March 27 2012
Police say 23-year-old Kelli Sly killed her two-year-old son Gavin in their Indianola apartment sometime Sunday morning. Then, Sly drove about 20 miles north to Des Moines where she crashed her vehicle into a bridge pillar and died.

Sly's mother Sherri Sinclair wants to let people know who her daughter was and what led up to her taking her son's life and her own.

"I'm sorry that she felt that she had to take Gavin who was totally innocent, but I know she wasn't in her right mind," she said.

Sinclair said Sly had been battling depression since she was a young teenager when Sinclair and her husband divorced. The 23-year-old had a previous suicide attempt and received help for her depression.

"She was a very sweet girl, but she just struggled," Sinclair said. "She was a wonderful mom to Gavin, very loving, took very good care of him. I think there was just a lot of pressure in being a single mom."

Sly was going through a divorce, had just lost her job and was being evicted from her apartment.

Sherri saw Sly and Gavin Friday night and thought everything was fine until talking to her daughter Saturday evening.

"She told me on the phone that she just couldn't take it anymore and that she didn't feel like things were going to get better and that she didn't want to live anymore. She never said anything about Gavin."

Sinclair wishes she could have done more for her daughter to prevent this tragic ending. "I'm having a hard time understanding why. I'll probably never understand."

[..]
http://www.woi-tv.com/story/17261121/slys-mother-she-wasnt-in-her-right-mind
 
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Talk about a bunch of ostriches! She's depressed, overwhelmed with child care, feeling suicidal -- and no one thinks, "Gee, let's take the boy off her hands for a while. Make sure he's safe. Give her a break. Maybe he won't be stuck in a house alone with his dead mother . . . " Nevermind the actual outcome where he lost his life to her brand of suicidalness.
 
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Wow. Really mom you don't know why your daughter offed herself and her son. Man I am such a bitch.
Seriously though you know how you could have helped? Let your daughter and grandson move in, sure it's gonna suck having to live in close quarters again but shit happens and when it comes to your family you make certain exceptions. That way if she has to work at night grandma can watch him. If you see someone in need you have to help. Faith without works is dead. Sure you can tell someone all day oh I believe things are gonna get better for you I am gonna pray for you, but they won't get better unless someone helps out.
The signs were there and this mom chose to ignore them. Its the whole clueless denial thing that has me griping at Granny although she was right about her daughter not being in her right mind. I mean who the fuck drives their car into a bridge? It would have sucked hard had she not even died, becoz crashing your car isn't a sure fire way to die.
 
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Anybody else see this as the ultimate "FUCK YOU" to Gavin's father? "Fuck you for not picking him up when you were supposed to, you bastard. Now look at what you made me do." I blame grandma for knowing her daughter was suffering and not doing anything but I also blame Tim Sly. What was so damn important that he couldn't pick up the child for his scheduled visitation? Sounds like this was a big clusterfuck all the way around. Poor Gavin.
 
May or may not have been a FU, probably was. The teary eyed bitch boy should have been there for his baby boy. "Someone else will take care of it" echos from 2 pump chumps around the God damn World. Fuck all ya'll momma teat suckling bitch boys. If you can stick your dick into anything it's time to pony up and be a man.
 
I want to clear this up just a little bit Tim had had Gavin Friday and Kelli wanted him back as it was her weekend with Gavin and Tim was supposed to pick him up again on Sunday so Tim went out of town and was in another state when Kelli started texting him on saturday evening. Tim was a very involved father and a great Daddy!! He was working with a lawyer to pursue custody of Gavin
 
My mom volunteered to take our son for a few weeks because my husband was going to have bone surgery. This woman is telling her mother she doesn't want to live and the mom just goes about her business? Perhaps I am being unfair to the grandmother/mother but really? Come on. I feel horrible for the dad who called police because he was afraid. I feel horrible for the mom that lost her daughter and grandson. I feel worst of all for the baby with his entire life ahead that had to be "slaughtered" because this woman couldn't pull herself together long enough to figure out a better way. Take the kid to your mom's and then kill yourself, selfish bitch. Rot in Hell.
 
I want to clear this up just a little bit Tim had had Gavin Friday and Kelli wanted him back as it was her weekend with Gavin and Tim was supposed to pick him up again on Sunday so Tim went out of town and was in another state when Kelli started texting him on saturday evening. Tim was a very involved father and a great Daddy!! He was working with a lawyer to pursue custody of Gavin
OMG, lilmomma popped my Dislike cherry! I'm not beyond childish tit for tat, so I disliked your sweet little post too, lilmomma. As for clearing up things, thanks for that. Tim did the right thing by calling the cops with his concerns but let me just add this: If she was texting him asking for him to come get Gavin, why didn't he tell her he was out of state but would be there in x amount of hours? Why didn't he stop whatever he was doing (partying?) and come get his kid? If he was so damn worried about the safety of his kid, why didn't he go get him immediately? Seems to me she was screaming out for help and everyone around her was too self-absorbed to help.
 
Her family may have dropped the ball but she chose this. She chose to not only kill herself but kill her son as well. If her life was that overwhelming then she can do with it as she wishes, but she had NO right to take his life because she was sad.
 
May or may not have been a FU, probably was. The teary eyed bitch boy should have been there for his baby boy. "Someone else will take care of it" echos from 2 pump chumps around the God damn World. Fuck all ya'll momma teat suckling bitch boys. If you can stick your dick into anything it's time to pony up and be a man.

OMG lol this reminds me of all those dickless SOB's who show up on the Maury show DNA eps with their "moms" yelling and cursing at their sons ex girlfriend who are trying to test the emasculated bastard. I can't help but shake my head at the stupid losers mom & son both. Him for not being able to fight his own battles and the mom becoz she doesn't get how her actions are doing nothing to make her son into a man. He will always be just a whiny self centered puke with a dick. I have more sympathy for the girls having to test those douches. I'd hate to have to admit to sleeping with and quite possibly having a kid with a guy who's mom is part terrier!
 
Your own fucking daughter tells you that she wants to kill herself, and grandma says "I dunno how this could have happened!"??? WHAT THE FUCK, LADY?! Did you want a map or fucking instructions?! WTF more needed to happen before you woke up? OH YEAH her actually doing it. fucking waste.
 
Saturday night, police checked on her and she told them she would be "fine". By Sunday morning, they were both dead. It's not like the family was ignoring the situation. They just never suspected she would harm her son.

Article from Monday:
Tim Sly and Sinclair had agreed to take Kelli Sly to a mental hospital on Sunday for treatment, Tim Sly told the Register.

Between them, the mother and the estranged husband had formulated a plan:

According to Tim Sly, Sinclair was going to pick Kelli Sly up on Sunday. Once the mother had arrived, Tim was to meet them and take Gavin. Then the mother would take Kelli “to get the help she needed.â€￾

No one ever considered that Gavin was in danger, Tim Sly said.

“Kelli had never done anything stupid when Gavin was around,â€￾ he said. “I figured that the only thing keeping her sane was Gavin.… I figured that was the only thing holding her together.â€￾

Sly stressed that Kelli deeply loved their son. She had never given any indication of harming him.

“Deep down, I think she was a really good person, but she needed help,â€￾ he said. “She was a good mom…. She just lost it, I guess.â€￾
http://www.desmoinesregister.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2012303270082

Yesterday:
Authorities face difficult decisions on involuntary commitment
Sinclair told police her daughter had called in tears Saturday afternoon. Sly felt “overwhelmed because of lack of support and help raising their child,â€￾ the report said. Sly told her mother she was facing eviction, had recently lost her job and was battling alcohol abuse.

Sly told her mother she was “tired of things not going right and that she wanted to kill herself,â€￾ the report said. Sinclair urged her daughter to take care of herself. Sly swore at her mother and hung up the phone, according to the police report.

Sly also texted her estranged husband, Tim Sly, urging him to come get his son. Tim Sly was in Missouri on a business trip and was unable to collect Gavin, according to the police report. Both Tim Sly and Sinclair called police and asked officers to check on Kelli Sly at her Indianola apartment.

Officers Mesha Wagner and Chris Marsh visited Kelli Sly, who was giving Gavin a bath, shortly before 2:45 p.m. Saturday. Sly cried when officers said her mother and husband were worried she would hurt herself. However, she told police “many times while talking with her that she was not going to hurt herself and she would call us to get her help.â€￾
[...]

Assistant Polk County Attorney Daniel Flaherty, who specializes in mental-health cases, said that before bringing someone in for an emergency commitment, police must see direct evidence that the person is a threat to herself or others. Flaherty, who handles hundreds of civil-commitment cases per year, said Iowa law does not allow police to act solely on another citizen’s report that a person seems suicidal.
[...]

Relatives can try to talk a troubled person into voluntarily going to the hospital. “But they can’t come over and physically carry you off,â€￾ Flaherty said. “That would be a breach of the peace.â€￾

Family members also may ask a judge to commit a person for mental-health evaluation. To succeed, at least two people must attest that a person poses a threat to self or others, Flaherty said, and judges could be leery of allowing an estranged spouse to serve as one of those two.

Warren County Attorney John Criswell said most commitment requests are granted, allowing authorities to hold a person up to five days for a doctor’s evaluation. Then a judge holds a hearing to decide whether to hold the person longer for treatment.
http://www.desmoinesregister.com/article/20120328/NEWS/303280040/0/permgall/?odyssey=nav|head


Most mentally ill people DO NOT kill their children. They kill themselves. It is especially hard to envision someone you care about doing such a heinous thing when there is nothing to indicate it.
 
Such a selfish, heartless act.
The family... maybe could have, should have done more, but once someone has decided such a dark thing, one way or another they will find a way.
Seems she didn't have it in her to take on motherhood, perhaps too overwhelmed with her own personal demons. I don't know if taking Gavin to help would have only postponed the inevitable.....still, they will always wonder, what if.....

The one selfless act would have been to do as she must and leave him be. let him live.
one act, if she loved him at all. . .

The angels weep Gavin as you return home.....
cry as they know the great loss of all that should have been yours.

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Okay fine. They had a plan to get her help and I applaud that. However Grandma should have taken the boy when her daughter expressed that she felt overwhelmed being a single parent. Not to mention the alcohol abuse and the fact that she was soon to be evicted. That right there is enough of a reason to want to take your Grandson, good mother or not. If you see your child drowning you throw them a lifeline.
What if her daughter had gotten drunk passed out and the little boy had done something dangerous? Hind sight is 20/20 but this grandmother is still blind to what the fuck was plaguing her daughter. She wasn't crazy she was just at the end of her rope and no one was helping.

What would committing her do? She was depressed. Okay I get that but things she was depressed about were things her mom could have helped with. The baby daddy could have helped too. He or the Grandma could have filed for emergency custody of the son due to the fact that mom was soon to be evicted from her apartment she had a drinking problem and she had lost her job.
That way if she still chose to jump off the deep end at least she would just take herself over the edge and her son would still be alive.
 
Why is it everyone else's responsibility to save her from herself? You can only do so much with an adult. believe me, I know.
 
I don't really feel like it was anyone's responsibility to save her from herself, exactly. You're right, an adult will kill themselves if they want to. And I'm Monday-morning quarterbacking and all, but I do think if she had even mentioned killing herself someone should have taken the kid. The absolute best-case scenario with a suicidal parent is that you see them sobbing uncontrollably and being emotionally unavailable. Even if you discounted the possibility that she would physically hurt him, that isn't an environment for a small child.
 
And I'm Monday-morning quarterbacking and all, but I do think if she had even mentioned killing herself someone should have taken the kid.
You can't just go around taking people's kids away from them. You can end up in jail for doing that.

You can have all the good intentions in the world, but if the person calls the authorities you get arrested and then are of even less help to the child.
 
Sly told her mother she was “tired of things not going right and that she wanted to kill herself

This should warrant an automatic 5150. If you are considered a threat to yourself or others, you are locked up for 72 hours and given a psych eval. At least, that's the way it is here in CA.
 
He went out of town on business and he was coming to pick Gavin up the next day. Kelli had these issues on an almost daily basis for years she had been taken in for treatment numerous times but continued to check herself out. Im thinking maybe people where starting to think of Kelli as a "cry wolf" type of situation everyone around her heard this regularly I guess they just never took her seriously anymore..I mean her own mom was just a few minuets away and I guess she didnt feel that her daughters cries were serious or something as she never went to be with Kelli or take Gavin off her hands for the night. Nobody ever thought Gavin was in trouble no one ever thought Kelli would hurt Gav maybe herself but not Gavin! Tim had tried to get emergency custody of Gavin but was told he didnt meet the criteria so had to go about it the long drawn out way. Tim and Sherry were going to take Kelli to the hospital on Sunday........... it's just very very terrible situation and I guess everyone needs to blame someone and nobody wants to blame someone who is gone
 
The baby daddy could have helped too. He or the Grandma could have filed for emergency custody of the son due to the fact that mom was soon to be evicted from her apartment she had a drinking problem and she had lost her job. That way if she still chose to jump off the deep end at least she would just take herself over the edge and her son would still be alive.[/QUOTE said:
Tim had tried to go for emergency custody of Gavin after Kelli's suicide attempt in November however he was actually told he did not have enough to go on to get emergency custody and wold have to pursue general custody route which he had started however getting to trial on a custody case can literally take a year at least
 
Not in Iowa! two people closely related (dont know how they would feel about the estranged husband being one) to said person must petition the courts and the matter will be set for hearing if then the judge so decides you get a 72 hour
 
He went out of town on business and he was coming to pick Gavin up the next day. Kelli had these issues on an almost daily basis for years she had been taken in for treatment numerous times but continued to check herself out. Im thinking maybe people where starting to think of Kelli as a "cry wolf" type of situation everyone around her heard this regularly I guess they just never took her seriously anymore..I mean her own mom was just a few minuets away and I guess she didnt feel that her daughters cries were serious or something as she never went to be with Kelli or take Gavin off her hands for the night. Nobody ever thought Gavin was in trouble no one ever thought Kelli would hurt Gav maybe herself but not Gavin! Tim had tried to get emergency custody of Gavin but was told he didnt meet the criteria so had to go about it the long drawn out way. Tim and Sherry were going to take Kelli to the hospital on Sunday........... it's just very very terrible situation and I guess everyone needs to blame someone and nobody wants to blame someone who is gone
Please don't misunderstand. I ultimately blame Kelli for all of this. What I am saying, and maybe it's because I've been around the block a few too many times on here, is that everyone around her ignored/didn't do enough about the red flags. If people were only concerned that she would harm herself, I still ask WHAT ABOUT GAVIN? If she had committed suicide while Gavin was home with her, that would still be harming him. Who knows how long it would have been until she had been found and so on. @Nell is right--as much as we may want to, we can't save people from a destructive path that they self-choose. We can, though, get any needless victims out of the way of an oncoming train. It sucks your son was on a business trip and wasn't able to help. It sucks that her own damn mother knew how she was feeling and didn't help her. I just sucks all the way around. I'm deeply sorry for your loss and especially for your son's loss because no one deserves to lose a child.
 
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everyone around her ignored/didn't do enough about the red flags. If people were only concerned that she would harm herself, I still ask WHAT ABOUT GAVIN? If she had committed suicide while Gavin was home with her, that would still be harming him. Who knows how long it would have been until she had been found and so on. ... We can, though, get any needless victims out of the way of an oncoming train.
NO ONE can waltz in and take your kids for something that "might maybe" happen when there is no proof. You end up under arrest for taking peoples kids... no matter how good your intentions are. And what good is an in-jail grandma to the situation? They authorities would have only returned the child back to the mother. If Kelli wouldn't give her child to someone to care for and was telling others that she was only upset, not suicidal, there isn't much a person can legally do except work with the person to get them to see the need for help.

This family was far from ignoring the situation. They seem to have been doing everything they legally could. This woman had never harmed her child. The family had a plan in place. They had called the cops. They had gone to court. They were instituting more legal actions. They were acting above and beyond the actions of many we see featured here.

This is a tragedy all the way around. I refuse to compound the tragedy for the family with "what ifs", shoulda woulda coulda, or magic mirrors. We can see the oncoming train because of hindsight. The people involved were on the train in real life and seeme to have been doing all they could to stop it. It's a tragedy but not all tragedies can be prevented.
 
NO ONE can waltz in and take your kids for something that "might maybe" happen when there is no proof.

Not all tragedies can be prevented, I completely agree. Alas, my own mother was 5150'd for spouting off the same way as this mom because my dad chose to report it, and the cops didn't leave her be the way they left this mom. My neighbors came and got me, and I was not returned home until she completed a turn in a psych hospital and then enrolled in an outpatient program. She is still alive, 25 years later. Although still crazy, cause she lives where it's freaking 30 below.

I'm not saying this woman could've been saved, or that things are or should be handled the same as they are in CA. I'm just saying, for the sake of sharing. Cause I like to do that.

I feel badly for these people that tried to prevent such nastiness, alas, if my kid was saying they didn't want to live, I would've gone to get my grandkid. I doubt the daughter would've called the cops, and if she did, oh well. Few days in jail wouldn't kill me - although that one chick was found dead while only serving one day for shoplifting! ACK!
 
Not all tragedies can be prevented, I completely agree. Alas, my own mother was 5150'd for spouting off the same way as this mom because my dad chose to report it, and the cops didn't leave her be the way they left this mom.
In most cases, it depends on what the authorities see and hear when they show up. If Kellie appeared rational - even thought she may have been upset - the cops would have no reason to take her in. If someone is saying they are NOT a danger to themselves or others, the cops can't kidnap them unless they see or hear something in that interaction to clue them otherwise. If that wasn't the way it worked, think how easy it would be for a vindictive person to call the cops and tell them you are suicidal and have you carted off.

Anyone who's ever had to call the cops for mentally ill loved ones will have stories were it worked and stories where it didn't. It's a case by case situation and must be accomplished through legal methods.
 
Cool! I'm going to ask my son to check and tell me the winning numbers for tonight's Mega Million drawing!

I've hit up every law enforcement agent I know and all those bastards are keeping it to themselves.

Seriously - $640 million? I'd spring for a DD party in Fiji. I'd rent an island.
 
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