Mariah Lee Gardner
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WARNING: EXTREMELY GRAPHIC
Today marks one month since me, my two sons, and my two daughters were attacked in our home by Stephen Michael Clare, my ex-husband. I was shot, my daughters were stabbed, and my boys barely escaped. We were hunted like we were animals. Two doors were kicked in and destroyed in the process. My bed was pulled out 4-5 feet so he could check for children who might be hiding underneath. Closet doors were ripped off the hinges. The attack was vicious and purely evil. You can’t convince me that it wasn’t planned. I think he had been planning it for weeks…maybe months.
Tomorrow morning, less than 2 hours after midnight will mark a month since Willow took her final breath. My baby was stabbed multiple times and she experienced a completely severed artery. He left her on the floor as she bled out. They tried everything they could to keep her with me. They even opened her chest for cardiac massage. Her soul went to be with Jesus while she laid next to her sister in recovery. She fought for over 6 hours, even through what we hoped would be a life saving surgery. Her little heart just couldn’t handle what her body had suffered. I was at a different hospital in critical condition so I wasn’t even able to be there with her during her final moments. All I was left with was a pile of her blood and her refrigerated corpse; a nightmarish image that will be burned into my mind for the rest of my life.
Rosalie can remember everything her father did to me, her, and her baby sister. She recounts it regularly. She cries during diaper changes. She doesn’t want to take baths. She doesn’t want to be touched. She is absolutely traumatized. Rosalie was stabbed in the abdomen 4 times. They had to reattach her intestines in all 4 places, which took two surgeries. She cries of stomach pain every day. She wakes up in the middle of the night and hits herself in the face because of her nightmares.
I suffered 6 gunshot wounds (one to the face), two surgeries (abdominal and facial), a broken hip, a broken jaw, a perforated sinus, and lots of bruising from getting beaten by his fists, knees, and the gun. I lost a portion of my small bowel and had to live with a drain for nearly a month. I still can’t open my jaw because my upper right jaw is shattered from the impact of the bullet. I have to see more specialists and physical therapists than I could recall if you asked me to write them down on paper.
We are all suffering from anxiety and PTSD. We all shake. None of us can sleep. Every loud noise sounds like gunshots. There have been many moments of fear and tears. Since he was arrested, all Stephen has been concerned with is how he is going to make bond. Jail is uncomfortable for him and he wants to go home. He has no remorse. He has no regret. This has only traumatized us further; the thought that he could get out and find us again is agonizing. Fortunately the judge raised his bond amount, but he will absolutely fight it. I’m just praying they don’t let that monster out of his cage.
I am going to continue to tell my story, as graphic as it may be, to raise awareness for domestic violence. I am the voice for millions of women and children. I also want our abuser to face the consequences of his actions. No matter what level of pain or suffering he is experiencing in jail, it will never amount to even a fraction of what we are going through.
IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW ARE BEING ABUSED, AND I DON’T MEAN ONLY PHYSICALLY, PLEASE CONTACT ME. We will brainstorm. We will fight for your freedom. I know what mistakes I made. I should have yelled and screamed at the top of my lungs. I shouldn’t have let the justice system throw me in a corner to die. I will advocate for you better than I did for myself. The system sets victims up to fail. They only protect the rights of the criminals. Let’s change that together. Let’s do it for Willow and for you and for your children. Thanks for staying with me. I know this was long. I love you and I am praying for you.
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