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Which one was your favorite?

  • The Mattress Was Taken Away Because The Starving Girl Child Was Eating It

    Votes: 3 50.0%
  • 17-Year-Old Faces 3 Felonies After Allegedly Molesting 12-Year-Old Girl

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Break-up Leads to Blasted Vagina

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Cops Search For 5-Year-Old Dulce Maria Alavez, Last Seen at NJ Playground

    Votes: 1 16.7%
  • 4 Kentucky Children Living In House Full Of Rotten Food And Trash

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Ex-Wisconsin Nurse Will Plead Guilty To Bruising and Breaking 9 Babies' Bones

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Mom Accused Of Sending Video Of Her Trying To Drown 6-year-old Son In Bathtub To Boy's Father

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • DUI Biking Turns To Sex In Back Of Police Cruiser. Yep, It's Florida

    Votes: 2 33.3%
  • Woman Kept As Sex Slave, Beaten, Tortured In Front Of Children In Hotel Rooms

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Georgia Homeowner Fatally Shoots 3 Teens Who Tried To Rob Him/Nursing Home Assistant: "I Thought She

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    6

Old Man Metal

Veteran Member
Bold Member!
The top ten most-read stories on the Front Page that were posted between last Sunday and today are:

#1: The Mattress Was Taken Away Because The Starving Girl Child Was Eating It
by @Sue sue



#2: 17-Year-Old Faces 3 Felonies After Allegedly Molesting 12-Year-Old Girl
by @crys_xoxo



#3: Break-up Leads to Blasted Vagina
by @Sugar Cookie



#4: Cops Search For 5-Year-Old Dulce Maria Alavez, Last Seen at NJ Playground
by @Turd Fergusen



#5: 4 Kentucky Children Living In House Full Of Rotten Food And Trash
by @Sugar Cookie



#6: Ex-Wisconsin Nurse Will Plead Guilty To Bruising and Breaking 9 Babies' Bones
by @Satanica



#7: Mom Accused Of Sending Video Of Her Trying To Drown 6-year-old Son In Bathtub To Boy's Father
by @Sugar Cookie



#8: DUI Biking Turns To Sex In Back Of Police Cruiser. Yep, It's Florida
by @ghosttruck



#9: Woman Kept As Sex Slave, Beaten, Tortured In Front Of Children In Hotel Rooms
by @ghosttruck



#10: Georgia Homeowner Fatally Shoots 3 Teens Who Tried To Rob Him
@ghosttruck



#10: Nursing Home Assistant: "I Thought She Would Like It"
@ghosttruck



I don't know what's been going on around here... some joker's been using the Top Ten for Storytime. Real Life Horror is serious business, bud, not an opportunity for you to show off to everyone! The Top Ten represents a lot of hard work on the part of a lot of people, it's not your little literary playground.

Why, just look at @ghosttruck! Last week was the first week he's missed the Top Ten in three months; this week he's on fire! He made up for his absence last week by tying himself, which has never been done before, and pushing the Top Ten into a Top Eleven. That's right, "Georgia Homeowner Fatally Shoots 3 Teens Who Tried To Rob Him" and "Nursing Home Assistant: 'I Thought She Would Like It'" were tied at 427 views each at the finish line last night.

You think @ghosttruck deserves to be a bit player in one of your little bits of word-paper masturbation? Nein! He deserves proper recognition for his labors! (Although it only counts as one story for the Most Top Ten Stories competition, and once for the Most Top Ten Views. If I let him get away with doubling up, @Sugar Cookie will start hitting triples, @Turd Fergusen will steal home and it'll be a goddamn Top Fifteen.)

Or what about @Turd Fergusen? Ninth week in the Top Ten in a row (even though @Sue sue took his #1 spot this week), hell, he's a regular here now. You're really going to walk all over his accomplishments by spinning some contrived yarn? I don't think so.

And let's talk about @Sue sue. She busted all the way to Number One with a bullet, blasting right past everyone and scoring almost twice as many views as the Number Two story. She knows that a kid being so hungry that she ate a fucking mattress is the kind of Real Life Horror that sells, and she brought the goods, and she dominated. You gonna make her wave a magic wand at some imaginary monster in a fairy tale? Get the fuck outta here!

@Sugar Cookie a "baker woman"? She tied @ghosttruck for Most Top Ten Stories! She got Most Top Ten Views this week! Show some respect.

And @crys_xoxo and @Satanica? Defensive ends, getting sacks, holding @ghosttruck and @Sugar Cookie to three scores each. And you'd make them part of a puppet show. Hell, you didn't even mention anyone's names last week!

So everyone else join me in congratulating perennial champs @Sugar Cookie, @ghosttruck and @Turd Fergusen, and this week's contenders @Sue sue, @crys_xoxo and @Satanica for making it a great six-way free-for-all, full of excitement, molestation, abuse, shit-living and cop-car humping. This week had it all, and next week will be even better! So for all of us here under the Big Top, this is Old Man Metal saying "I really fucked up this time!" Love ya'!



That's how you do a Top Ten, ya' fuck ya'.
 
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