The top ten most-read stories on the Front Page that were posted between last Sunday and today are:
#1: Woman Steals Back Her Stolen Car
by @Alf
#2: JonBenet Ramsey Photographer Arrested On Child Pornography Charges
by @Alf
#3: Doodle-Faced Fugitive Won't Be Going To Prison For Aggravated Kidnapping
by @Keepalowprofile
#4: Crossdressing Perv Breaks In And Assaults 4 And 6-Year-Old
by @Sugar Cookie
#5: 3-Month-Old Was A Victim Of Ongoing Abuse By Her Police Officer Father
by @Sugar Cookie
#6: Strip Club Patron Leaves Severely Autistic Child At Home With Sibling
by @ghosttruck
#7: Human Monster Who Left A 14-Month-Old Girl Requiring Surgery After A “Severe” Sex Attack Jailed
by @Sugar Cookie
#8: Sex Offender-Turned-Christian Missionary Charged with Molesting Orphans in Kenya
by @ghosttruck
#9: Woman Died Because Her Blood Drained Into A Garbage Can, And Not Recirculated Into Her Body During Surgery
by @Sugar Cookie
#10: 20-Year-Old Man Arrested For Child Porn Solicitation
by @Alf
As expected (and promised), a rejuvenated @Sugar Cookie returned to reclaim the "Most Top Ten Posts Of The Week" mantle, claiming four of the Top Ten spots with a house-breaking, cross-dressing kiddy-fiddler, an infant-abusing cop, a toddler-rapist and a bizarre fatal (and quite wasteful) surgical mistake. Bagging that many stories, she was a shoo-in to win Most Top Ten Views For The Week as well... but she wouldn't get the top spot.
That's because of the week's real surprise: @Alf, who stormed the field to capture half of the remaining Top Ten spots, running amok with a brazen, crime-solving woman who stole back her own stolen car (and earned @Alf the Top Story For The Week), a kiddie photographer of JonBenet fame who unbelievably got popped for child pornography (and brought home the Number Two spot), and another idiot who got popped just for asking for naughty pics.
Not willing to be left out, @ghosttruck and Conrad got their due-and-proper, taking a break from biscuits, gravy and rum to corral a pair of Top Ten spots with a sad autistic Home Alone strip club tale and a skeevy old missionary who spent the last decade mining underaged pink in Kenya (any kind would do). And @Keepalowprofile joined the fray, nipping at @Alf's heels and grabbing the Number 3 spot with the week's Top Ten Feel-Good Story: a doodle-faced fugitive fucknut kidnapper that got sorted, all permanent-like, by big men with guns.
Everybody at home please join me in giving a hearty round of Dreamin Demon-style applause to @Sugar Cookie, @Alf, @ghosttruck and @Keepalowprofile for making the grade on the Big Deal this week! And join me next week as we ask the age-old question "what in the fuck was that?" Until next time, for everyone here under the Big Top, this is Old Man Metal saying "damn, that's a nice ass!" Love ya'!
#1: Woman Steals Back Her Stolen Car
by @Alf
#2: JonBenet Ramsey Photographer Arrested On Child Pornography Charges
by @Alf
#3: Doodle-Faced Fugitive Won't Be Going To Prison For Aggravated Kidnapping
by @Keepalowprofile
#4: Crossdressing Perv Breaks In And Assaults 4 And 6-Year-Old
by @Sugar Cookie
#5: 3-Month-Old Was A Victim Of Ongoing Abuse By Her Police Officer Father
by @Sugar Cookie
#6: Strip Club Patron Leaves Severely Autistic Child At Home With Sibling
by @ghosttruck
#7: Human Monster Who Left A 14-Month-Old Girl Requiring Surgery After A “Severe” Sex Attack Jailed
by @Sugar Cookie
#8: Sex Offender-Turned-Christian Missionary Charged with Molesting Orphans in Kenya
by @ghosttruck
#9: Woman Died Because Her Blood Drained Into A Garbage Can, And Not Recirculated Into Her Body During Surgery
by @Sugar Cookie
#10: 20-Year-Old Man Arrested For Child Porn Solicitation
by @Alf
As expected (and promised), a rejuvenated @Sugar Cookie returned to reclaim the "Most Top Ten Posts Of The Week" mantle, claiming four of the Top Ten spots with a house-breaking, cross-dressing kiddy-fiddler, an infant-abusing cop, a toddler-rapist and a bizarre fatal (and quite wasteful) surgical mistake. Bagging that many stories, she was a shoo-in to win Most Top Ten Views For The Week as well... but she wouldn't get the top spot.
That's because of the week's real surprise: @Alf, who stormed the field to capture half of the remaining Top Ten spots, running amok with a brazen, crime-solving woman who stole back her own stolen car (and earned @Alf the Top Story For The Week), a kiddie photographer of JonBenet fame who unbelievably got popped for child pornography (and brought home the Number Two spot), and another idiot who got popped just for asking for naughty pics.
Not willing to be left out, @ghosttruck and Conrad got their due-and-proper, taking a break from biscuits, gravy and rum to corral a pair of Top Ten spots with a sad autistic Home Alone strip club tale and a skeevy old missionary who spent the last decade mining underaged pink in Kenya (any kind would do). And @Keepalowprofile joined the fray, nipping at @Alf's heels and grabbing the Number 3 spot with the week's Top Ten Feel-Good Story: a doodle-faced fugitive fucknut kidnapper that got sorted, all permanent-like, by big men with guns.
Everybody at home please join me in giving a hearty round of Dreamin Demon-style applause to @Sugar Cookie, @Alf, @ghosttruck and @Keepalowprofile for making the grade on the Big Deal this week! And join me next week as we ask the age-old question "what in the fuck was that?" Until next time, for everyone here under the Big Top, this is Old Man Metal saying "damn, that's a nice ass!" Love ya'!
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