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PITTSBURGH, PA — Marijuana makes you stupid. That's the rumor, at least.

You'll have a hard time convincing Pennsylvania State Police otherwise after their dealings with Malik Mollett.

Mollett, 21, took an Uber ride in late December, like thousands of other Pennsylvanians. No doubt some of them were high, and no doubt some of those dopers forgot something in the Ubermobile. Most of them probably wrote it off, whatever it was.

Not Mollett.

He forgot his bag of mean green.

It wasn't just any ol' bag of weed, either— it was 2 pounds of the Bionic Chronic.

Mollett wanted it back, so he emailed Uber and told them that he left a duffel bag in Uber Dude's ride. Uber contacted the driver, who still had the bag. Obligingly, the driver prepared to return Mollett's misplaced personal property.

Then he looked in the bag.

Wisely, not wanting to get tied up in a potential drug delivery charge, Uber Dude called The Man.

The Man took it from there.

An undercover officer called Mollett, claiming to be the Uber driver, and sent him a picture of the bag to confirm it was Mollett's. It was. Cop and doper arranged to meet at Mickey D's.

When the cop handed Mollett the bag, Mollett was "excited and happy to get it back," jokingly asking the cop "How much of this did you guys smoke?"

After assuring Mollett that he had not Bogarted any of the bud, the cop again confirmed that the bag was Mollett's. That last "yeah, it's mine" was the kiss of Judas.

Mollett was swarmed by a handful of other undercover officers, all of whom were likely highly amused by the assignment, and pleased by the opportunity to scarf down yet another "coffee, with" while waiting for Mollett to hang himself.

Mollett, pictured below posing in a broom closet, is being held in lieu of a $150,000 bond. His weed, also pictured below, has been denied due process and is being held with no bail and no legal representation, pending execution by fire.

Stupid story about a moron and his marijuana?

That's why they call it dope.

 

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Ripley

Better to be pissed off than pissed on
Bold Member!
Dear Uber drivers: unless it’s leaking, don’t look in the bag. Mind your own damn business.
 

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Sejanus

Veteran Member
Bold Member!
The Piston head looks like he's got some type of alien octopus mounted on his skull maybe it's sucking his brain. All right he'd have to have a brain first my bad
 

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Weed is going to be legal everywhere soon, and he seems like a nice enough guy... Idk, I say give the young dumb businessman back his weed and get back to catching the real criminals.
 

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