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ghosttruck

Level 57 Taco Wizard
Staff member


DIXON, Illinois- A Dixon man is in jail after police say he terrorized a couple of Dixon homeowners after breaking into their house, drinking their alcohol and getting naked.

June 6th, Dixon Police were told about an unwanted person at a house in the 200 block of South Dement Avenue.

On the way to the house, officers were warned that the burglar was naked and holding a fireplace poker.

The man was identified as Joel E. Gartman of Dixon, 52.

“Gartman was immediately removed from the house and an investigation began.”

According to police, Gartman broke in by tearing the screen and forcing open a window at the rear of the house. After entering the home, Gartman unscrewed light bulbs and took off his shoes. While inside, Gartman stole at least three alcoholic beverages from the refrigerator and walked throughout the house drinking it.

One of the home’s residents was sleeping on a couch on the first floor.

Gartman removed all of his clothes and sat next to the sleeping homeowner while holding a fireplace poker.

The homeowner woke up, realized what was happening and ran upstairs to wake the other resident. A short time later, both homeowners came back downstairs and confronted Gartman, who was still in the house trying to hide.
 

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Old Man Metal

Trusted Member
Staff member
One of the home’s residents was sleeping on a couch on the first floor.
It's bad enough you piss the wife off with that old joke about her mother and have to sleep on the couch, in your own fucking home, then you have to deal with this:

Gartman removed all of his clothes and sat next to the sleeping homeowner while holding a "fireplace poker".
(scare quotes mine)

And then, when you run upstairs to hide

The homeowner woke up, realized what was happening and ran upstairs to wake the other resident. A short time later, both homeowners came back downstairs and confronted Gartman, who was still in the house trying to hide.
the bitch makes you come back downstairs and "act like a man."

It's enough to make a guy run amok, naked and drunk, in someone else's house...
 

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