Iowa Man Puts New Spin on Carjacking

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Meet Christopher Jensen…he’s got some kinks. Allegedly one of them is jerkin the gherkin in front of Uber drivers. He’s been charged with a serious misdemeanor for an incident when at 4:45 AM he got into the front seat of the Uber he called and began pleasuring himself in front of the driver. To make sure everything was cool he calmly explained that he “liked to masturbate in front of Uber drivers”

After such a solid explanation he made a great offer to the driver…”do you want to touch it?”. I really gotta remember that one…this guy is obviously in the running for greatest pickup line EVER! Strangely enough the driver countered his generous offer by asking him to get out of the car. Investigators identified Christopher thought Uber records but he claims not to remember masturbating in the Uber he admitted to calling.
Mr. Jensen was released from jail this morning…I wonder if he called an Uber to get him?

l3gGPBe.jpg


http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/indecent-exposure/the-sharing-economy-375902
 
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Alf

Don't Remember
Bold Member!
Mar 3, 2009
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Flyover Country
#10
Hey does it hurt if you pepper spray someone’s junk?
I found out wearing rubber gloves while cutting hot peppers is A Very Good Idea when I made a big pot full of pork green chili stew with bare hands then washed them and used the bathroom. Let's say it definitely got my attention.

>From that experience I imagine pepper spray would command every last iota of one's attention were it sprayed on one's junk.

--Al
 

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QuickSugar

New Member
Nov 8, 2018
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#11
Meet Christopher Jensen…he’s got some kinks. Allegedly one of them is jerkin the gherkin in front of Uber drivers. He’s been charged with a serious misdemeanor for an incident when at 4:45 AM he got into the front seat of the Uber he called and began pleasuring himself in front of the driver. To make sure everything was cool he calmly explained that he “liked to masturbate in front of Uber drivers”

After such a solid explanation he made a great offer to the driver…”do you want to touch it?”. I really gotta remember that one…this guy is obviously in the running for greatest pickup line EVER! Strangely enough the driver countered his generous offer by asking him to get out of the car. Investigators identified Christopher thought Uber records but he claims not to remember masturbating in the Uber he admitted to calling.
Mr. Jensen was released from jail this morning…I wonder if he called an Uber to get him?

l3gGPBe.jpg


http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/indecent-exposure/the-sharing-economy-375902
cjensenuber.jpg


Hopefully, they can blacklist this idiot.
Meth makes you super ... indiscriminate.
 

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notchback

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Aug 11, 2016
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Surrounded by Utards
#14
I found out wearing rubber gloves while cutting hot peppers is A Very Good Idea when I made a big pot full of pork green chili stew with bare hands then washed them and used the bathroom. Let's say it definitely got my attention.

>From that experience I imagine pepper spray would command every last iota of one's attention were it sprayed on one's junk.

--Al
I ran a mint distillery for several years. One drop of pure mint oil can mean hours of pain. Never grab yourself and shake it off after taking a leak. Even after washing up with Fast Orange Hand Cleaner.

My son's girlfriend was over yesterday and was talking about essential oils (I don't understand them, they just stink). I mentioned pure peppermint oil to her. She said that that's exactly what her peppermint essential oil was. I pulled out a jar of the pure oil and let her try it. She found out that pure oil is not something to be messed with.

One drop of pure oil is enough to flavor 100 of the peppermint disk candies. One ounce flavors 220 regular tubes of toothpaste. I processed thousands of gallons of this stuff every summer. This year, my old boss called me and begged me to return to Idaho and run his still again. I told him I was done.
 

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