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Blunderbuss Firozabad

Member
Bold Member!
For years I have skulked about, helping myself to generous portions at the DD potluck, without ever so much as bringing potato salad, or paper plates to the gathering. Join up, my inner voice urged. You can't walk in empty handed, my sense of shame laughed. And when I saw how Morbid and everyone put SO MUCH effort and care into the site, the guilt and pressure became unbearable.
DD has a Facebook page! There are occasional podcasts! Some members have posted over 10,000 times! That's a lot more work than I care to think about. A couple of bucks for a get out of guilt free card? Sold. Northern California was where I was raised, chose my college major my last semester (So my degree is really Psychologybusinesslawgeologyarthistoryrussianinternationalrelations.) So naturally, my first job was at a toy factory, where I did whatever they told me to do (it's a job, afterall) then moved on to managing a large medical group in Santa Monica. From a farm girl who didn't realize classroom 206 was on the SECOND floor, to making a gloat-worthy salary on the Westside of L.A, I was dazzled. I bought a sailboat to live part time on. Soon, LA was too small for me (and the boat was damp) So I decided to backpack around the world. Armchair traveling is one thing, Sweating your ass off in India, plus having your travel mates kidnapped out of your houseboat in Kashmir is quite another. After a bit of Europe and North Africa, I needed some stability and rest, so off I went to a kibbutz in Israel. Bomb shelters, 3 creepily gorgeous Danish roommates,, dates picking me up with their machine gun along, (then espying said roommates Birgit, Helena, and Katrina) and pesky Palestinian boys throwing rocks at my fleeing ass were what awaited me. I'm divorced, widowed, no children. Now I'm in Tucson. Clawed and eye gouged my way out of the 7th, 8th, and 9th rings of hell that I landed in after my husbands long and expensive illness. Satan was afraid to come to my block. And there was no God in that netherworld. 7th St., Long Beach Ghetto.
Oh, and my 94 yr old father has a mail order Chinese bride, who's only hobby seems to be scheming and plotting, antagonizing and crushing, me. Frequently, she stumbles across my plans to murder her via satellite beams, Japanese assassins, or glitter, and invites the nice police officers for a look-see at me. She has moved away from my Dad, down to Tucson, in order to monitor my diabolical, whorish trickery. I don't let her in my door. Currently I produce a lot of art, and that pays the rent, It buys the weed I smoke that keep the demons content. I only scratched my life's surface here, didn't make much of a dent,
but If my my lengthy intro causes Jack Burton to vent,
He's earned my very first- GET BENT!.

So thrilled to be here with all the demonites I so admire!
Blunderbuss
 
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Keepalowprofile

Water is for people that don't have coffee.
Bold Member!
Welcome. Best intro ever!
So happy to have you out of the shadows.
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Wait a minute. Art? What kind. I need pictures. I'm a stained glass artist and restorer of things. I love art. I also love recycling and up cycling.
 
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Sejanus

Veteran Member
Bold Member!
Nice blurb and then some.
The mail order bride issue is fixable.
Have a hired peen with disease slam her fartbox.
The dad has an excuse to return her to Amazon or Amazing-Ho
 

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Blunderbuss Firozabad

Member
Bold Member!
Oooh, wow. You are all just as sweet as a bunny with a sugarcube balanced on its nose!

@Keepalowprofile What a ringing endorsement! I'm considering self-publishing a booklet about myself to hand out to potential new friends, which will answer all those pesky get-to-know-you questions typically asked. Where did you get that scar? Are those shoes comfortable? Can I use your bathroom? Is that thing alive?
I want to use your post as a blurb on the cover:)
Upcycling is all I do. For example: in front of my building back in LBC the "comfort businesswomen" frequently abandoned half bottles of nail polish and such, that I used to paint pop- style art onto cardboard. But the single shoes that I found were beauty bedazzlers!!. Immediately debauching, you either wanted to fuck them or fight them. So I shadow boxed them (I used small fancy discarded dresser drawers) , and painted a detailed pattern in the background. I'll post some images of my arty things soon.
@Totemic Thank you for the invite to the Shout box. Makes me feel pretty and popular.
This Shouting business though....I'm really more of a stage whisper kind of person.
@MildlyMedicated. Thank you! And let me say, I admire the paucity of your words .I tend to ramble...
@Sejanus As you are a big grey rabbit, you might be interested in the fact that my father served me squirrel stew on my last visit. Just cautioning you that evil goes deep in that Beijing bride situation. ( Did I mention he also has 2 other girlfriends? Ladies he has seen in the flesh for years? uck.) and thanks for the welcome.
@cubbyI knew I wasn't the only one with that degree! It really lends itself to a career of know-it-all-ism, and fear of intimacy.. thanks for the praise
@FrayedKnot The wine? I passed it to @Keepalowprofile ages ago. But I DID see @Sejanus, @Alf, @bmoore77, @notchback come by and not say shit to anyone, so, you know, maybe they drank it....?:)
 
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QuickSugar

Evil Shenanigans
Bold Member!
Oh, and my 94 yr old father has a mail order Chinese bride, who's only hobby seems to be scheming and plotting, antagonizing and crushing, me. Frequently, she stumbles across my plans to murder her via satellite beams, Japanese assassins, or glitter, and invites the nice police officers for a look-see at me.
You can tell me ... she's a Real Doll, right?
 

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Blunderbuss Firozabad

Member
Bold Member!
@Alf --and you left behind only cookie crumbs when you got your coffee. Those were for me, ya bastard.
@Spider-Your avatar uneasies me, (and, yes everyone, I WILL make up words when I feel like it) but there is no doubt as to your fine taste in introductions.
@Babs Thank you, and I always picture you waitressing at a diner, wearing a pink polyester smock-dress, and glaring at me when I order a Monte Cristo sandwich 5 minutes before closing. Name-ism? Perhaps. Now rustle me up that sandwich, and bring @Alf a coffee! (Blunderbuss wakes up on the sidewalk outside, a little roughed up, recalling only a pink blur of fury)
@QuickSugar You may be on to something here...I've (No joking) have often found her standing motionless in closets, and when visitors come to the door, she stands, again," motionless", at the window , staring at them as though she is invisible. My dad COULD have been velcroing her to his arm all this time. Hmmmm.
@CalicJjack This fawning over @Keepalowprofile on my intro thread will not be forgotten. Oh yes, she is VERY fawn-worthy, but, I'll be keeping my eye on you.
@BuffettGirl Thank you girlie! (and THATS how you do it, @CalicoJack! lol)
@Nell and @Satanica. Oh, no, the cool girls have noticed me-what do I say? Keep it simple Blunderbuss, don't get tongue- tied. Er,"Thankyousoverymuch for the welcome."? Phew! Well, done, I'm in! ( Walks away with toilet paper stuck to her foot)
Thank you everyone, I will start commenting on threads soon.
 

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Blunderbuss Firozabad

Member
Bold Member!
@RisottoGroup In order to proceed with matrimony, I must:
1. Review your tax return and medical records
2. Have a drunken lunch with your mortal enemy
3. Interview your mother and taste her food. NONE of that looking me over business. SHE jumps thru MY hoops
You must be able to:
1. Sing The Smiths "How Soon is Now" flawlessly, while perspiring angst
2. Promise to chop all onions and garlic as necessary,
3. Make me a damn Monte Cristo sammich!

@Sue sue Ah, Moscato, the wine of laughter and frivolity. Good choice, always a crowd pleaser, and a great "I'm sorry for being an asshole" gift! Thank you for the welcome!
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@SueSue oh dear, I was saying when I am an asshole! Don't want to enemize you, my dear. A friend dropped by with a dram of whiskey, and I tend not to proofread for accidental insults when in my cups. It's a problem.
Sigh
 
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CalicoJack

Active Member
Bold Member!
@RisottoGroup In order to proceed with matrimony, I must:
1. Review your tax return and medical records
2. Have a drunken lunch with your mortal enemy
3. Interview your mother and taste her food. NONE of that looking me over business. SHE jumps thru MY hoops
You must be able to:
1. Sing The Smiths "How Soon is Now" flawlessly, while perspiring angst
2. Promise to chop all onions and garlic as necessary,
3. Make me a damn Monte Cristo sammich!

@Sue sue Ah, Moscato, the wine of laughter and frivolity. Good choice, always a crowd pleaser, and a great "I'm sorry for being an asshole" gift! Thank you for the welcome!
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@SueSue oh dear, I was saying when I am an asshole! Don't want to enemize you, my dear. A friend dropped by with a dram of whiskey, and I tend not to proofread for accidental insults when in my cups. It's a problem.
Sigh
Those requirements seem fair. I'm just glad it's not me proposing because I wouldn't be able to sing you any Smiths songs. I have a long history of animosity with Morrissey.
 

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Keepalowprofile

Water is for people that don't have coffee.
Bold Member!
Damn. I'm already out of the running.

1. Review your tax return and medical records
I'm poor as a church mouse.
Post heart attack.
2. Have a drunken lunch with your mortal enemy
I have zero enemies.
3. Interview your mother and taste her food. NONE of that looking me over business. SHE jumps thru MY hoops.
My mother doesn't speak to me. She doesn't cook either.

You must be able to:
1. Sing The Smiths "How Soon is Now" flawlessly, while perspiring angst.
The last time I sang anything outloud, my coworker ran into my office and said: "who's crying.
If I did have to sing, I would be full of angst and perspiring you a river.
2. Promise to chop all onions and garlic as necessary,
That I can do. It seems like a piss poor offering now that I know your standards are so high.
3. Make me a damn Monte Cristo sammich!
I'm too depressed. Make your own fucking sandwich.
 

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Blunderbuss Firozabad

Member
Bold Member!
@CalicoJack Morrissey says he doesn't like the cut of your jib either, and that YOU know why.(?!) ( See how I kept the pirate theme, Huh, Huh?) Express yourself by N.W.A. will also suffice. Or Rappers Delight.
@Keeepalowprofile CHOPPED ONIONS is all I need from the likes of you darling! I have proven myself incredibly flexible on the other matters in previous marriages.
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@Keepalowprofile Could you be any more charming.? You too @CalicoJack
 
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