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ghosttruck

Level 57 Taco Wizard
full


A convicted felon accidentally shot himself in the genitals last month at an apartment in Cashmere. His problems didn’t stop there.

Cameron Jeffrey Wilson, 27, had a pistol tucked into his front pocket April 5 when the gun discharged, sending a bullet through his testicles and into his thigh, according to a probable cause affidavit filed April 16 in Chelan County Superior Court.

Instead of heading directly to a hospital, Wilson instructed his girlfriend to first drive to Lincoln Park in Wenatchee, where he gave the pistol to a friend, the affidavit said. A 13-time convicted felon, it is illegal for Wilson to possess a firearm.

As doctors and nurses performed surgery at Central Washington Hospital, a balloon containing marijuana slipped out of his anus, the affidavit said.

Chelan County sheriff’s detectives were notified that Wilson had suffered a gunshot wound and then responded to the hospital. They searched the car and found a bag of methamphetamine inside a pair of blood-stained jeans he’d taken off before entering the hospital.

Detectives declined to arrest Wilson at the hospital and instead issued an arrest warrant on suspicion of second-degree felon in possession of a firearm and unlawful possession of meth. He was charged April 16.

Wilson, an East Wenatchee resident, turned himself in April 18. A detective told corrections officers at the Chelan County Regional Justice Center of Wilson’s proclivity to store marijuana in unconventional places.

During a strip search, another balloon of marijuana slipped from Wilson’s anus, according to a probable cause affidavit filed April 19 in superior court.

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thought this was a twofer for Oklahoma and am relieved it wasn't: why does he have pot shoved up his ass in a state where it's legal should be the second question after the first being does the dimmy dimwit haircut mean we can expect someone to try to shoot their own dick off egg/chicken thought ponder that would help cleanse the gene pool
 
Transporting them in something other than a slippery balloon might help, too. Like canvas.... that's got more grab.
They need to make a prison wallet for the ol' prison wallet, that's what they need to do.

"Tired of things dropping out of your ass at inopportune times? Do you find that repeated reamings in lockup have reduced your starfish's closing power? Do you have more to carry than ever before in this busy, workaday world? Take your prison wallet skills to the next level with the Pooper Keeper!"
 
First he busted his nuts (LITERALLY)
then dropped his gun off with a friend (no small feat when you blew your balls off and are probably bleeding profusely)
THEN walked into a hospital pantsless
THENNNN a bag of weed slipped out your ass
THEN they find meth in your car
and THENNNNNNNNN another bag of weed slips out your clearly cavernous bowels?

I mean this is like The Hangover!
"BUT DID YOU DIEEEEEE????"
No sir, but I bet he kinda wishes he did, Nutless Wonder will be having to explain to SOMEBODY how he lost all their drugs.
 
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Maybe he figured, once surgery was done, he'd get discharged directly into custody for the gun violation, since it would be tough to convince medical staff someone else shot his nuts off from inside his own pocket.

That would mean he intentionally postponed getting medical help for his perforated peanut pouch, specifically so he could stuff a balloon of weed into his rectum.

Priorities, I guess.
 
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