OLGA, FL — A Florida Man has been arrested for impersonating a cop and fatally shooting two teenaged boys at a local teen party spot, for no apparent reason.
Elwood Timothy Robinson, 46, is like a Good Samaritan, but different.
At about 5 AM on Saturday, November 17th, he was out and about— he's either an early riser or a late partier— presumably on patrol looking for citizens in need of his help.
He found one.
He was in the vicinity of a known teen party spot, "a wooded field that sits near a small cow pasture," when police allege he bumped into an unnamed teen that was fleeing a party bonfire to avoid a fight with William "Jody" Hughes, 19, and Jeremy Stewart, 16. The teen told Robinson his tale of woe and asked for a ride.
Robinson, ever the one to go above and beyond for duty and humanity, told the teenager that he was a cop and would "solve the issue." *trumpet flourish*
Robinson returned to the bonfire with the teen, where they encountered Hughes and Stewart, and Robinson started channeling Dirty Harry.
Identifying himself as a police officer, Robinson drew "a large chrome revolver" and ordered the two to the ground at gunpoint.
One complied, one didn't. It wouldn't matter.
Two teenaged girls returned to the bonfire at that point, to find Robinson looming over one of the teens. Robinson informed the newcomers that he was a police officer and could take them all to jail.
Robinson then sent one of the females to his truck "to get [Robinson's] son." Robinson does not have a son, so this likely was a ruse to get her to go away for a few minutes. Or maybe he meant "sidekick."
As she left, Robinson shot the teen that was lying on the ground "execution-style," and shot the standing teen multiple times. Both would die.
He then told the teen recipient of his super-powered assistance, now a witness to unprovoked murder, "don't worry about it and get out of here," at which point the witness beat feet.
The other female witness fled as well, only to be shot by Robinson. She got lucky: she survived, sustaining a grazing wound to the neck and a gunshot wound to one hand.
After all of this helping others, a tuckered-out Robinson retired to stately Wayne Manor his house, where he brilliantly hid the revolver in the Bat Cave under his mattress.
By Monday, police had Robinson in custody at the Lee County Jail, without bond, charged with "two counts of second-degree murder, aggravated battery with a deadly weapon, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, and impersonating an officer."
His squeaky-clean criminal record (a traffic citation and a dismissed temporary protective order from 2014) has been sullied, which is sure to cost him his seat at the Justice League.
Robinson, ever the helpful citizen, has pretty much admitted to everything to police; the only question that remains is "why?" because, based on what we know, the shooting makes no sense.