David Matthew Ayotte said he detests what he did to Spencer, his infant son.
But Clark Harms, a
Utah Board of Pardons and Parole member, had a lot of questions for the Brigham City man, who has petitioned for parole, 18 years after he fatally battered the baby.
At a Sept. 18 hearing at the
Utah State Prison in Draper — 18 years and three days after Spencer’s death — Harms asked Ayotte how he would avoid relapsing into anger during stressful times when he gets out of prison.
“I hate to tell you that there are a lot of newborns crying everywhere you go, in theaters, grocery stores,” Harms said.
Prosecutors in Brigham City said evidence indicated Spencer was repeatedly abused during his 2 ½ months of life, suffering broken ribs and brain injuries.
Ayotte pleaded guilty, and a 1st District Court judge sentenced him to 5 years to life in prison for the murder.
In 2010, the board set a parole date of April 26, 2022. But in 2017 Ayotte applied for a redetermination and an earlier release date.
“I didn’t understand the gravity of my actions,” Ayotte said, according to an audio recording of the hearing. “I had so much hatred and anger in my heart ... It seems as if I didn’t even care about the pain that I was causing. I was a different person.”
Ayotte said he was abused as a child, and he had started taking a prescription antidepressant a few weeks before Spencer’s death.
“It seems to me that but for the prescription drugs, everything that made you angry and uncaring and past feeling is still part of you,” Harms said. “So what have you done to deal with that so you are not likely to act out again?”
Ayotte said he has matured and has learned how to feel empathy. He has graduated from therapy courses in prison and now teaches them. He said he wants to serve others and focuses on his religious beliefs.
“I have learned to despise my actions,” said Ayotte, who sniffled and sobbed during his testimony. “Spencer was our little boy. He was given no chance. He should be 18 years old. He should be able to have the opportunity to have his life, and I robbed him of it. … I know I crushed Yvette’s life and her family’s life and my family’s life.”
But Harms listed the “many tragedies” of the case, including that Ayotte’s ex-wife, Yvette, was charged with a felony after
Box Elder County prosecutors accused her of knowing about the abuse and not doing anything.
“They charged Yvette with a crime because of what you did to your son,” Harms told him. “I don’t know what it’s like to lose a child and then be blamed for it when it’s not your fault.”
Prosecutors dismissed a child abuse neglect charge against Ayotte’s wife in May 2002.
Ayotte said he has learned to communicate and to let go of anger toward the man who abused him during his childhood.
“I don’t blame him for my actions,” Ayotte said. “I want you to know that. I accept accountability for everything I’ve done. It was me. But in order for me to be the man I want to be I need to get past the things that have bound me down and look forward.”
As of Thursday, Sept. 27, the board had not yet decided on Ayotte’s parole request, board spokesman Greg Johnson said.