Featured Alabama Man Has Underage Birthday Wish, Gets Busted

[Old Man Metal]

BIRMINGHAM, AL — An Alabama Man was arrested on his birthday after he traveled to Birmingham to meet a minor for sex and was met, instead, by officers of the law.

Birthdays can be a bitch. Sometimes no matter how many hints you drop about that special gift that you really want, you just get socks, underwear and fast-food gift certificates. Nobody listens. Nobody cares. What should be a special day is just one disappointment after another, until it culminates in an uncontrollable paroxysm of rage and bile and you end up alone and bereft, that special present left up to you.

Jerry Wayne Hamilton Jr. had a birthday like that. Number forty-nine.

He had been a good boy all year (not likely), but try as he might, even though he dropped plenty of hints (I'm sure), even though they knew all about his past "glory days" (no doubt), not one of his so-called friends gave him a young girl to love (the bastards).

He was going to have to do it himself.

So he traveled all the way from the small town of Sylacauga, Alabama, birthplace of Jim Nabors and renowned across the land for its marble, to the Big City— Birmingham, in this case, or a suburb thereof— to meet a young thing that he had been chatting up online.

Shaking off the small-town dust, heading out on the open highway, the rush of the wind through his scalp... it was all just what he needed. Did he have an inkling of the fucking Fate was about to hand him, a tiny twinge in the pit of his stomach? Or was he footloose and fancy-free, oblivious to the fact that his birthday had one more knife-twist in store for him?

She was... well... older than he expected. And she was a man. With a badge. And she was spouting a bunch of rubbish about his rights. Then the cuffs went on.

Happy Birthday, fucknut!

Hamilton was booked for a pair of felonies: electronic solicitation of a child and traveling to meet a child for sex. He remains in the Jefferson County Jail with bail set at $105,000.

Hey, at least somebody thinks he's worth holding on to.

Can't wait to see what he does next year for the big five-oh.

 

[lithiumgirl]

Can't wait to see what he does next year for the big five-oh.

I think the wonky eyed, mean lipped mother fucker, is going to do TIME for his big Five-oh !

 

[SimplySpaztastic]

I just laughed so hard at this write up.
Way too hard

 

[Keepalowprofile]

*Is he looking at me or you.

 

[Alf]

Or the MILF around the corner???

I think it's a fair bet that he isn't looking at the MILF around the corner.

--Al

 

[Craygor]

Dickwad was arrested for the same damn thing back in 2007.

Court records state Hamilton was arrested in Talladega County in 2007 on charges that he engaged in deviate sexual intercourse with a girl under the age of 12. Records do not show the outcome of that case.

No idea if it was a birthday treat or not.

 

[Sejanus]

Charge his eye for trying to leave the scene of a crime

 

[Old Man Metal]

I just laughed so hard at this write up.
Way too hard

Thanks! I'd had a few beers and decided to see if I could stretch such a thin story into a decent write-up. Since there was so little story, it ended up heavy on the silly stuff.

 

[Old Man Metal]

*Is he looking at me or you.

A buddy of mine started dating a lady with a lazy eye. The first time his nephew met her, he asks her "what the fuck are you looking at?"

She thought it was hilarious, so it was all good.

 

[Dead Stephanie]

Eye see what’s really going on.....

 

[Inferus]

Nothing more noble than a wayward eye gazing off to the horizon.

 

[Sugar Cookie]

@Sejanus

Thanks for the laugh today.

 

[QuickSugar]

BIRMINGHAM, AL — An Alabama Man was arrested on his birthday after he traveled to Birmingham to meet a minor for sex and was met, instead, by officers of the law.

Birthdays can be a bitch. Sometimes no matter how many hints you drop about that special gift that you really want, you just get socks, underwear and fast-food gift certificates. Nobody listens. Nobody cares. What should be a special day is just one disappointment after another, until it culminates in an uncontrollable paroxysm of rage and bile and you end up alone and bereft, that special present left up to you.

Jerry Wayne Hamilton Jr. had a birthday like that. Number forty-nine.

He had been a good boy all year (not likely), but try as he might, even though he dropped plenty of hints (I'm sure), even though they knew all about his past "glory days" (no doubt), not one of his so-called friends gave him a young girl to love (the bastards).

He was going to have to do it himself.

So he traveled all the way from the small town of Sylacauga, Alabama, birthplace of Jim Nabors and renowned across the land for its marble, to the Big City— Birmingham, in this case, or a suburb thereof— to meet a young thing that he had been chatting up online.

Shaking off the small-town dust, heading out on the open highway, the rush of the wind through his scalp... it was all just what he needed. Did he have an inkling of the fucking Fate was about to hand him, a tiny twinge in the pit of his stomach? Or was he footloose and fancy-free, oblivious to the fact that his birthday had one more knife-twist in store for him?

She was... well... older than he expected. And she was a man. With a badge. And she was spouting a bunch of rubbish about his rights. Then the cuffs went on.

Happy Birthday, fucknut!

Hamilton was booked for a pair of felonies: electronic solicitation of a child and traveling to meet a child for sex. He remains in the Jefferson County Jail with bail set at $105,000.

Hey, at least somebody thinks he's worth holding on to.

Can't wait to see what he does next year for the big five-oh.

Cleatus got Catfished.

 

[Satanica]

Welcome to DD, QuickSugar!