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A thief who stole pool floats from back gardens in Florida, which he used to 'sexually gratify' himself, has been arrested on charges of burglary, theft and criminal mischief.

Police were alerted to thief Christopher William Monnin, 35, of Palm Bay, following a spate of bizarre robberies where pool enclosure screens were cut and novelty floats were stolen.

On Thursday Florida police stopped Monnin on his bicycle as a suspicious person and was found to be carrying a white garbage bag which contained deflated pool floats, an arrest report said.

Monnin told officers the motive behind his burglaries was sexual.

'Defendant stated that he sexually gratifies himself with the floats and does this instead of raping women,' the arresting officer said, the SD reported.

After confessing to being the pool float thief, Monnin led officers to a nearby home where he had stashed some 75 floats, including many that matched the ones reported missing over the course of seven months.
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Keepalowprofile

Water is for people that don't have coffee.
Bold Member!
Believe it or not, he isn't the only dude on this site that likes to bang pool floats......

Click

I wonder if they have a club or something.
Yep, I remember. In fact, I was going to mention prior floaty fucking freaks.

We also had a guy that like those exercise balls.
And there is the chain link fence fucker and a couple random dude that try to fuck car tailpipes.
 

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Keepalowprofile

Water is for people that don't have coffee.
Bold Member!

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Jaded

No fucks to give
Staff member
I had actually forgotten about the beaver!

At one point, I was going to compile a list of the different types of animals and inanimate objects that have been buggered on this site. Then I told myself "Self, you are sick in the fucking head. Shut down the computer and do the damn dishes already, ya lazy bitch." So it never got done.
 

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Old Man Metal

Trusted Member
Staff member
I had actually forgotten about the beaver!

At one point, I was going to compile a list of the different types of animals and inanimate objects that have been buggered on this site. Then I told myself "Self, you are sick in the fucking head. Shut down the computer and do the damn dishes already, ya lazy bitch." So it never got done.
Next time let the dishes wait. That would be epic!
 

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EyEgOrE

Trusted Member
Bold Member!
Florida Man® is looking a bit like a homeless Frank Zappa.

Maybe this arrest will shake him up a little and he'll decide to settle down. You know, really get to know and date a pool float, instead of all these random hook-ups. Who knows, in time he may find "the one." Get married, have some little pool floats to raise as his own...
 

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