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@RisottoGroup In order to proceed with matrimony, I must:
1. Review your tax return and medical records
2. Have a drunken lunch with your mortal enemy
3. Interview your mother and taste her food. NONE of that looking me over business. SHE jumps thru MY hoops
You must be able to:
1. Sing The Smiths "How Soon is Now" flawlessly, while perspiring angst
2. Promise to chop all onions and garlic as necessary,
3. Make me a damn Monte Cristo sammich!

@Sue sue Ah, Moscato, the wine of laughter and frivolity. Good choice, always a crowd pleaser, and a great "I'm sorry for being an asshole" gift! Thank you for the welcome!
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@SueSue oh dear, I was saying when I am an asshole! Don't want to enemize you, my dear. A friend dropped by with a dram of whiskey, and I tend not to proofread for accidental insults when in my cups. It's a problem.
Sigh
1. Fair enough.
2. I'm my own mortal enemy. Let's do Mexican.
3. My mothers cooking is pure shiite but she a pushover so she'll definitely be your bitch.
4. 100% done. Just remember if I get a bit pitchy, I am human and I need to be loved.
5. Oooh now that's a tough one, but for the right one...
6. I make a dank Monte Christo as well as a Croque Madam :cool:

I showed this to my husband and he says he thinks we were separated at birth, so if I ever die, I got a housebroken one you can have.
 
@RisottoGroupon Well that works out neatly. Either one of you dead works for me. If it's him, I'll just show up claiming my appendectomy scar is where you and I were co- joined. I get to be the evil twin though.
If you go first, it's awfully handy for me to be able to slip right in. I'll be there so fast, your side of the bed will still be warm. Be sure your Croque Monsieur can make that Monte Cristo for me. I expect that your gourmet kitchen in your oceanside Maui house will have all the ingredients available?
Now, about your car repair schedule....I have it on good authority that brake maintenance is entirely unnecessary. And it is recommended to let your car idle in an ENCLOSED garage for 10-15 minutes, to really give it a chance to warm up. You can trust your evil twin.
 
Ducky, I am really starting to like you! You've been generous with your approval, and may I compliment you on your keen perception in recognizing flavorful, nuanced, pithy, guffaw inducing messages!
I enjoy your posts very much. and have watched you closely since we bolded around the same time.
Sometimes smoldering in envy when you come up with a clever post. LOL sweet thing
 
Ducky, I am really starting to like you! You've been generous with your approval, and may I compliment you on your keen perception in recognizing flavorful, nuanced, pithy, guffaw inducing messages!
I enjoy your posts very much. and have watched you closely since we bolded around the same time.
Sometimes smoldering in envy when you come up with a clever post. LOL sweet thing

Well thanks my friend! I’m going to love reading your stuff. You have a way with words!
I’ve become quite stuck on this place even more after officially joining because everyone is actually really genuinely good people, and nice. In their own messed up ways :p (I know someone will probably say “no I’m mean I’m not nice” but they’re lying)

Great to meet you!

I really wish I could use the duck emoji. Insert duck emoji above.
 
Well thanks my friend! I’m going to love reading your stuff. You have a way with words!
I’ve become quite stuck on this place even more after officially joining because everyone is actually really genuinely good people, and nice. In their own messed up ways :p (I know someone will probably say “no I’m mean I’m not nice” but they’re lying)
Just like any family, we have our moments. There are a few that some of us don't like, and some that don't like us. But we are all mostly adults and can handle the tears as well as the laughs of someone on the internet not liking us!
 
For years I have skulked about, helping myself to generous portions at the DD potluck, without ever so much as bringing potato salad, or paper plates to the gathering. Join up, my inner voice urged. You can't walk in empty handed, my sense of shame laughed. And when I saw how Morbid and everyone put SO MUCH effort and care into the site, the guilt and pressure became unbearable.
DD has a Facebook page! There are occasional podcasts! Some members have posted over 10,000 times! That's a lot more work than I care to think about. A couple of bucks for a get out of guilt free card? Sold. Northern California was where I was raised, chose my college major my last semester (So my degree is really Psychologybusinesslawgeologyarthistoryrussianinternationalrelations.) So naturally, my first job was at a toy factory, where I did whatever they told me to do (it's a job, afterall) then moved on to managing a large medical group in Santa Monica. From a farm girl who didn't realize classroom 206 was on the SECOND floor, to making a gloat-worthy salary on the Westside of L.A, I was dazzled. I bought a sailboat to live part time on. Soon, LA was too small for me (and the boat was damp) So I decided to backpack around the world. Armchair traveling is one thing, Sweating your ass off in India, plus having your travel mates kidnapped out of your houseboat in Kashmir is quite another. After a bit of Europe and North Africa, I needed some stability and rest, so off I went to a kibbutz in Israel. Bomb shelters, 3 creepily gorgeous Danish roommates,, dates picking me up with their machine gun along, (then espying said roommates Birgit, Helena, and Katrina) and pesky Palestinian boys throwing rocks at my fleeing ass were what awaited me. I'm divorced, widowed, no children. Now I'm in Tucson. Clawed and eye gouged my way out of the 7th, 8th, and 9th rings of hell that I landed in after my husbands long and expensive illness. Satan was afraid to come to my block. And there was no God in that netherworld. 7th St., Long Beach Ghetto.
Oh, and my 94 yr old father has a mail order Chinese bride, who's only hobby seems to be scheming and plotting, antagonizing and crushing, me. Frequently, she stumbles across my plans to murder her via satellite beams, Japanese assassins, or glitter, and invites the nice police officers for a look-see at me. She has moved away from my Dad, down to Tucson, in order to monitor my diabolical, whorish trickery. I don't let her in my door. Currently I produce a lot of art, and that pays the rent, It buys the weed I smoke that keep the demons content. I only scratched my life's surface here, didn't make much of a dent,
but If my my lengthy intro causes Jack Burton to vent,
He's earned my very first- GET BENT!.

So thrilled to be here with all the demonites I so admire!
Blunderbuss
Wow. You sound amazing. I need more women in my life like you!
 
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