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Intoxicated Man Viciously Beaten, Robbed In The Bronx
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A 38-year-old man was left for dead on a New York City street early Sunday morning after being viciously beaten during a robbery, police said. The unidentified victim was in front of a supermarket in the Bronx’s University Heights neighborhood just after 3 a.m. Sunday when he was attacked, police said. Basheer Alabdi, a deli worker, told the New York Daily News the man...
South Carolina Prison Escapee Dies of Lead Poisoning
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The best laid plans of mice and men so they say. The Pickens Country Sherriff’s department reported two inmates had escaped from Pickens Country Prison. Looks like the two escapees made it past the walls but chose to break into an unnamed homeowner’s house and he was packing! One inmate was shot dead and the other quickly picked up by the police. More details on this will be released at 11am today at a news conference. I gotta tip my hat to the homeowner…thanks for saving the taxpayers...
Florida Man: Trade Fellatio For A Burger?
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Florida-man is back at it again and this time he’s feeling a bit sexy. Frank Caponi, 57, thought it would be a fair exchange to offer to pay for oral sex via hamburger. His whole plan would have worked except he was discussing this transaction with an undercover female cop. The affidavit didn’t say if he had the tasty burger with him, if he had money for a burger or if the cop was hungry. He did admit that “he and the female spoke of sex.”. He’s been slapped with one count of...
Preschool Serves Pine-Sol Instead Of Apple Juice
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Three children at an East Honolulu preschool were served Pine-Sol instead of apple juice earlier this week, and took several sips of the cleaning fluid before child care workers realized the mistake. A state Health Department investigation found that a classroom assistant preparing morning snacks for children at Kilohana United Methodist Church Preschool served the cleaning fluid — even though it was in the original Pine-Sol container and properly labeled. The assistant apparently “saw...
"Ace Ventura" Wannabe Crashes Car in DUI
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Say Hi to Rocky Dumais…a millennial movie buff who crashed his mother’s car driving like “Ace Ventura”. Apparently, the wipers in his mom’s Buick Rendezvous weren’t working which forced him to do the only logical thing, stick his head out the window. Unfortunately, he was registering a .137 blood alcohol level and he crashed his paraphernalia laden car into a tree and up rooted it. Rocky did the only responsible thing and fled the scene of the accident…possibly because he had a suspended...
Illegal Dental Duo Work From Bus, Charges Filed
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Florida duo Daniela Sulbaran, 37, and Victor Bernal, 44, love being dentists…so much so they didn’t bother with the pesky process of getting a license. On November 15th the alleged dental duo were visited by undercover cops who were apparently met at a gate and then driven to the bus, yep you read the correctly, a bus…complete with cartoon child paintings on the outside…and they discovered a fully functional dental office inside. Once on the bus police found bags of prescription drugs and...
Iowa Man Puts New Spin on Carjacking
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Meet Christopher Jensen…he’s got some kinks. Allegedly one of them is jerkin the gherkin in front of Uber drivers. He’s been charged with a serious misdemeanor for an incident when at 4:45 AM he got into the front seat of the Uber he called and began pleasuring himself in front of the driver. To make sure everything was cool he calmly explained that he “liked to masturbate in front of Uber drivers” After such a solid explanation he made a great offer to the driver…”do you want to touch...
Florida Man Forks Woman In Spud Dispute
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Kenneth Crumpton 36…dude loves him some taters! He got crazy pissed when a woman undercooked his potato. Crumpton allegedly stabbed a woman multiple times in the head for failing to prepare his baked potato correctly and was busted in Jacksonville for an aggravated battery with a weapon charge. Crumpton is currently being held on a $25,000 bond in the Nassau County Jail. “Police noted that blood was visible on the woman’s head, and that she had suffered multiple stab wounds.” When...
Florida Man Rejects Florida Woman’s Sexy Thanksgiving Offer
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“A Florida Woman battered her boyfriend after he “said no and went back to bed” after she “grabbed his genitals wanting to have sex” on Thanksgiving night, cops say.” This isn’t the first time Rebecca Lynn Phelps has been rejected. September 2017 she was, once again, rejected after offering herself up as the main dish. Phelps slapped the man but prosecutors declined to peruse the case…possibly because it’s just too hilarious. This time she’s out on $100 bond waiting trial for domestic...
Cincinnati Man Kidnaps For Arrest #54
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A Cincinnati man with distinct facial tattoos has been arrested for the 54th time. Michael Mann was nabbed last week on kidnapping charges. They stem from an incident in October, when the 35-year-old allegedly held a woman for ransom at a check cashing store over $100, according to WLWT. Earlier this year, Mann was arrested on aggravated burglary and domestic violence charges. Some of his past priors include assault and drug possession. Mann is currently being held on $200,000 bond...
Featured Florida Man Uses Ill-Gotten Gains For Massive Dental Overhaul
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DeBARY, FL — A Florida Man has been arrested after committing a massive financial fraud that netted him new teeth and every kid's birthday wish. Timothy Powell is dumb as hell, but he has a great smile. The Florida man was reportedly recruited by a gang of thieves to help them with their dirty work. The first mission they gave him: fix that fucked-up grill. Powell's new partners in crime felt that less-dodgy dentition would make him "look better for future fraudulent transactions." I...
Featured Pennsylvania Man Sells Narcotics To Protect Others
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SANDY RIDGE, PA — A Pennsylvania man was arrested for distribution of narcotics, even though he claimed to have the best interests of others at heart. Some people are just humanitarians. They care about the people around them, even people that they don't really know, and they will go to great lengths to help them. Sometimes they're even willing to go to jail in the furtherance of the greater good. Dave Smith is one of those folks. An undercover informant ratted the 41-year-old man out to...
Missionary Tries To Convert Protected Tribe, Is Killed On Sight
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An American missionary was killed by arrows shot by protected tribesmen living on a remote Indian island after he arrived there in a bid to convert them to Christianity. John Allen Chau, 27, paid local fishermen to help him get to North Sentinel Island, one of the world's most isolated regions in India's Andaman islands. Chau took a boat ride with the fishermen before venturing alone in a canoe to North Sentinel Island, where the indigenous people live cut off completely from the...
Police Seek Hillbilly Family In Sex Toy Heist
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Police are hunting two women and one man after $300 worth of sex toys was stolen from an adult store. An eight-inch dildo valuing $40 and three vibrators worth $100 each were stolen from Lovers Adult store in Police have released images of two women and a man they want to speak to in relation to the brazen theft. The trio allegedly took the sex toys out of the packaging and hid them in their clothing.
Featured South Carolina Woman Helps Dead Speak, Gets Convicted
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CHARLESTON, SC — A South Carolina woman was convicted of health care fraud in federal court for billing the government for fraudulent speech therapy services. Sometimes the dead speak. Due to the natural process of decay, they often do not do so clearly. They need speech therapy. That's where Gena Randolph comes in. According to the US District Attorney's Office, Randolph regularly provided speech therapy...
Featured South Carolina Wife Takes Husband's Benefits, Leaves Him To Die
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COLUMBIA, SC - A South Carolina woman was sentenced to federal prison after using her cancer-stricken husband's veterans' benefits for a Vegas vacation and other fraudulent purposes. Tammy L. Yoho is a fucking bitch. With a last name like "Yo, ho!" you would almost expect it. The 54-year-old South Carolina woman obtained control of her veteran husband's VA benefits in 2002 when he was diagnosed with brain cancer. Rather than standing by her man, she...
Featured The Witches - Stacy Schiff
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Stacy Schiff's 2015 release The Witches is a thoroughly-researched, thoroughly end-noted (57 pages of them) non-ficton study of the New England witch panic of the early 1690s and the witchcraft trials that followed, with the main focus being on the town of Salem, Massachusetts. Schiff begins by setting the scene, introducing the individuals and families involved in the coming paroxym of fear and rigid justice, as well as the town itself, setting all within well-explored historical...
Featured Arkansas Man Arrested For Whacking It At Walmart
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BIGELOW, AR — An Arkansas man has been arrested for public masturbation for the second time this year after an incident in the jewelry department of a Walmart. Shoppers at the Walmart on Skyline Drive in Bigelow, Arkansas got more than they bargained for on Sunday when Dustin Gene Crocker showed off the family jewels while doing a little public self-pleasuring...
Featured Millennial Moron Dodges Darwin, Cop Gets BB To The Dome
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ANTIOCH, CA — Police officers in California ran across the King of Millennial Idiots recently, and it's a wonder that no on got an eye put out. As of press time, a name had not been released, but what we do know about Sonny Boy is that he is damned lucky to be alive, and he seems to have a death wish. And he's a stereotypical member of his much-maligned generation. Police in Antioch responded to a Tuesday evening complaint of a man brandishing a black semiautomatic pistol during a...
Featured North Carolina Magician Indicted For Conjuring Too Near Kids
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GREENSBORO, NC — A North Carolina man has been indicted by a grand jury for being a sex offender on premises frequented by children after he performed as a magician during family night at a pizza restaurant. Authorities call Kevin Daniel Pegram a recidivist. I think they've got him pegged. The 35-year-old Rockingham County man is a registered sex offender because of...