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Old Man Metal

Featured Mr. Ding-A-Ling Arrested For Stalking Young Girls
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SOUTH GLENS FALLS, NY - A driver for an ice cream company was recently arrested after stalking young girls in his company vehicle. Some professions are obvious fits for the perverts that like the younger ones: Scout master, priest, pediatrician. All three are positions of power, but authority is not always a pre-requisite for perv-friendly employment. Don't forget the lowly ice...
Featured Texas Man Wanted Minor for Cannibalism and Necrophilia
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SHELBY COUNTY, TX — A young man from Shelby County, Texas was recently arrested after attempting to obtain an underaged girl with the intent of murdering her and cannibalizing and raping her corpse. People say the damndest things to undercover officers. Just ask 21-year-old Alexander Nathan Barter. He asked a Texas Department of Public Safety agent to bring his daughter to the...
New Release Filii Nigrantium Infernalium - Fellatrix
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This complete re-work of FNI's 2005 debut LP, Fellatrix Discordia Pantokrator, is another frontrunner for 2018 Album of the Year. As soon as the first track starts, you know exactly what you're in for. If you draw a triangle between the black/thrash of Nocturnal Breed, the black/speed of Midnight, and a strip-club house band that plays really sleazy rock-metal, well, you'd have a hell of a triangle, and FNI would be somewhere within it. These Portuguese metallers play a unique blend of...
Featured House-breaker Is Really High, Makes Himself At Home
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ARDMORE, AL — A North Alabama woman came home to find a narcotized house-breaker who thought he was at Grandma's house, and was making himself right at home. She knew that something wasn't right immediately: the door was open and all of the lights were on. Upon entering the house, she encountered a befuddled 31-year-old Tyler Keefe...
Featured Little Rock Woman Denied Phone, Gets Out Axe
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LITTLE ROCK, AR — A Little Rock woman assaulted a neighbor with an axe, rocks and sticks after he declined to allow her to use his phone. Shelonna Addison likes to use the phone. She does not like being told "no". These two personality traits added up to big trouble for one of her neighbors on October 18th. The 31-year-old man told authorities that he had been staying with his...
Featured Florida Man Hides Drugs In Son's Ass, Uses Him As Shield
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WEST PALM BEACH, FL — A Florida man was charged with multiple felonies after he used a child as a drug mule and a makeshift shield in the same incident. Fredrick James isn't much of a role model to the younger kids in the neighborhood. In fact, he is in dutch with authorities after he dragged a nearby five-year-old into his world of drugs and fucktardery. It was just another Friday on...
New Release Wrathrone - Reflections of Torment
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Wrathrone's most recent release, Reflections of Torment, is my current frontrunner for 2018 Album of the Year. This is the second full-length release from these Finnish death metallers, and it is an ass-kicking ten-track slab of old-school death metal. In style, it reminds me more of early 90's Swedish death metal than the typically-more-chaotic older Finnish stuff. There are a number of spots where other influences stand out, from the bits of Cannibal groove in Gut Goddess and the Ghoulish...
Featured Perris Torture Case Mom Claims Crazy, Gets Legal Rebuff
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RIVERSIDE, CA — Lawyers for Louise Turpin, facing 40 felonies for the years-long extreme abuse of her 13 children, attempted to convince a judge to move her to a diversionary mental health program and failed. In the most recent development in the so-called Perris Torture Case, the distaff half of the husband-and-wife Defendant Duo tried to skate on a raft of charges by entering a diversionary program for the insane, and was...
Featured Dylan Tate Gets Charge Upgrade: Murder and Molestation
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ANDERSON, IN — Dylan Tate, previously charged with neglect in the horrific death of his girlfriend's 18-month-old son, has received extra charges for child molestation and murder in connection with the toddler's slaying. Dylan Tate is about as violently murderous a boyfriend as any cock-hungry no-wanna-momma could want. And he'll give your little boy the Bonus Plan, too: some nice violent molesting to go with that fatal beating. That's according to prosecutors in Anderson, Indiana...
Featured Child Porn Perusal Foils Former Mellencamp Keyboardist's Getaway
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MISSOULA, MT – Eric Rosser, a former bandmate of John Mellencamp, formerly known as John Cougar Mellencamp, formerly known as John Cougar, was just sentenced to a minimum of ten years after fleeing from federal supervisory custody on a bus with $70,000 in cash, a bunch of weed, and enough kiddie porn to gum up the works. Eric Franklin Rosser is his own worst enemy. The former keyboardist for John Mellencamp, including work on the iconic 1982 album American Fool, just agreed to a...
New Release Micawber - Beyond the Reach of Flame
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It's most of the way through 2018, and the standouts have solidified their leads in the race for Album of the Year. Beyond the Reach of Flame, the latest offering from Wisconsin's Micawber, is one of them. On 2015's The Gods of Outer Hell, they were a three-piece with a take on technical death metal that reminds me a lot of Deeds of Flesh: a solid yet subdued, functional-not-flashy technicality that is a structural component of some really nice brutal death metal. 2018 sees Micawber with a...
Featured Chicago Siblings Mitigate Rent By Killing Landlord
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CHICAGO, IL – Two Chicago siblings saved themselves a bunch of rent money, and bought themselves a bunch of trouble, when they murdered their landlord and hid his body a bit too close to home. Some people never have the rent money when it's due. Some of them sweat it. Others just don't give a damn. Tony and Elijah Green belong to the latter group. The two twenty-something brothers decided that they were done wasting money on their 76-year-old landlord Vasudevareddy Kethireddy...

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