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Macabre

Trusted Member
Bold Member!
So, what can I say?
Most of you don't know me well, and what those do know of me is limited to my snarky attitude. I have been open in this forum about my mental health issues, my profession, and the fact that I'm a mother. I don't like to share much about my very personal life because I know the type of people this site can attract, and I don't like giving people ammunition.

Let's just lay it on the line tonight.

I'm a 32 year old nurse with severe PTSD from physical abuse I endured during childhood and my marriage of four years. I have two amazing children. I live in Louisiana, and survived hurricane Katrina. I lived in poverty for many years before I became a nurse. I am presently in a relationship with a female to male transgender.
I am closest to @Nell , @Forensicwx , @DamagedGoods ,@PsychoKitty ,and @Athena here. I don't think @Morbid has ever particularly liked me, nor has given much of a fuck about my existence here. That is fine by me. I still staunchly support this site, and encourage the rest of you to do so.

Now for the meat and potatoes...

You might be asking yourself "Why is this broad writing a diatribe about herself and her existence here? "

Simple answer: I'm going to have brain surgery.

Whoa. It scares the fuck out of me just saying it.

The back story here is that I've been suffering from severe migraines and tremors for years. I hid it very well, for some time only close family and friends knew. This past year though, they've become uncontrollable. I finally broke down and saw a neurologist. Subsequently, I had an MRI of my brain done.

Well hell, of course they found some shit.

They found a very large cyst on my pineal gland. A cyst large enough to potentially spontaneously kill me at any moment. A cyst that warrants the attention of a neurosurgeon and an endocrinologist.

I'm sure some of you are jumping with joy at the thought of my spontaneous death. Heh, I don't blame you.

So there it is. I'm going to have brain surgery. I needed you all to know. Whether you want to just chat or criticize, I understand. I've been here many years. This place contains parts of me that feel like family. Thank you for that.

If I disappear again, @Nell is your best bet at knowing any pertinent info. She always is....
 
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@Macabre I have always liked your posts and I'm sorry you have to go through this experience. I will offer you guys thoughts for a safe recovery. Be strong Momma.
 
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Holy crap mac! That is big news.
I'm sorry you are going thru this. I cannot imagine how scary it must be. Best of luck and wishes for a quick and easy recovery!

If I can help in any way.. please don't hesitate to pm me. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. ❤
 
Let us know when, please?

And where? You know there will be plenty of DDers worried about you and wanting to stay informed.

I’ve seen 2 “miracles” when it comes to health issues in the last few years, so nothing is insurmountable to me. One was told he had <6 months, say your goodbyes! 3 years and he’s as great as ever.

I don’t know what, but please let me know if you or the kiddos need anything. As always, you have my phone number and I’m happy to help however I can!
<3<3
 
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@Macabre

Best of luck. My mom went through two brain surgeries (1983 and 2004) and is still around. I have my mental health issues also, and feel for you. Best of luck, and come back as fast as you can.
 
I love you. Reach out and message any time, text, message, PM here, whatever. You’ve helped me out and I’d be more than happy (for real, very sincerely) to listen to anything.
 
I wish you only the best. I don't know you but you seem to be very strong...stay positive and thank you for sharing this very personal part of your life with the rest of us. This cannot possibly be easy but know that we are thinking of you during this time. Hugs, love and prayers for you, and may you have a speedy recovery<3
 
@Macabre

I find there are some very good, quietly supportive people on here.
Sure we all have our snark and vent on here , but really I feel it is therapeutic and keeps some from going postal.

My thoughts are with you in this really intensely challenging time.
The strength you are showing by sharing it speaks volumes for how you are facing it.
Head on and without shrinking from it is totally positive and strong!

You have this.
Your healthteam has you covered.
If you are near Southern Ontario/Western NY and need anything,
I can do the trek and keep things amusingly distracting.

Just saying.
Sometimes the thoughts from total strangers ban help the most.
Be a good patient, be a strong survivor!
 
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

I hoping with all my heart for your safe and swift recovery. You got this, take a deep breath and just do it.
 
With what you have endured in your life and come out on the other side..., those tumors are fucked. Wishing you the best of all possible outcomes.
mini-graphics-hearts-351151.gif
 
Wow... good luck!! Please don't be too scared!!! Technology is so advanced I bet you will have a great recovery!! Thank you for sharing and WHO GIVES A FUCK what people say negatively about you posting about your brain surgery. You can post what you want!! I bet it will go okay ☺ please try not to get too worried... good luck though. Keep us informed
 
So, what can I say?
Most of you don't know me well, and what those do know of me is limited to my snarky attitude. I have been open in this forum about my mental health issues, my profession, and the fact that I'm a mother. I don't like to share much about my very personal life because I know the type of people this site can attract, and I don't like giving people ammunition.

Let's just lay it on the line tonight.

I'm a 32 year old nurse with severe PTSD from physical abuse I endured during childhood and my marriage of four years. I have two amazing children. I live in Louisiana, and survived hurricane Katrina. I lived in poverty for many years before I became a nurse. I am presently in a relationship with a female to male transgender.
I am closest to @Nell , @Forensicwx , @DamagedGoods ,@PsychoKitty ,and @Athena here. I don't think @Morbid has ever particularly liked me, nor has given much of a fuck about my existence here. That is fine by me. I still staunchly support this site, and encourage the rest of you to do so.

Now for the meat and potatoes...

You might be asking yourself "Why is this broad writing a diatribe about herself and her existence here? "

Simple answer: I'm going to have brain surgery.

Whoa. It scares the fuck out of me just saying it.

The back story here is that I've been suffering from severe migraines and tremors for years. I hid it very well, for some time only close family and friends knew. This past year though, they've become uncontrollable. I finally broke down and saw a neurologist. Subsequently, I had an MRI of my brain done.

Well hell, of course they found some shit.

They found a very large cyst on my pineal gland. A cyst large enough to potentially spontaneously kill me at any moment. A cyst that warrants the attention of a neurosurgeon and an endocrinologist.

I'm sure some of you are jumping with joy at the thought of my spontaneous death. Heh, I don't blame you.

So there it is. I'm going to have brain surgery. I needed you all to know. Whether you want to just chat or criticize, I understand. I've been here many years. This place contains parts of me that feel like family. Thank you for that.

If I disappear again, @Nell is your best bet at knowing any pertinent info. She always is....

It is scary but, you're brave ..
All the best and I wish you a speedy recovery .. :hug:
 
@Macabre, when are you having the surgery? I'm wishing you best of everything - successful surgery, quick recovery, long healthy future! You can do this, you're getting positive energy from all of DD! :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
 
I don't know why you don't think you are valued here. I enjoy your posts and love you even though I've never met you! No matter when your surgery is scheduled just know you won't be alone. You will be in our hearts and prayers always, and we will be with you in spirit for all that follows. I mean that, too. :hug:<3
 
Now for the meat and potatoes...

You might be asking yourself "Why is this broad writing a diatribe about herself and her existence here? "

Simple answer: I'm going to have brain surgery.

Whoa. It scares the fuck out of me just saying it.

Hey Mac....

Just wanted to pop in (because I mostly lurk more than I post.....but I do post) and say that I hope things go really well for you. You have a great medical team to care for you, and sounds like you have some really wicked friends to support you as well.

I'm always enjoyed your posts - never had any issues with you, and wish you the best damned brain surgery there can ever be. You deserve to have a fast recovery, and a great life to follow free to pain!!

Best of luck - update us when you can. <3
 
Good luck Mac! :O

(Might have partially bothered actually... y'know... signing up... to say this)

Best wishes, and my thoughts are with you. Get better soon, and ask if you can keep the lump for a literal 'brain in a jar' talking point? *Hugs*
 
I meet with the neurosurgeon for a consult on the 17th. So far, all I know is it will most likely be an endoscopic procedure with as little meddling as possible.
 
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It's amazing what they can do with brains nowadays. Always wanted to get my dome cracked open just to poke around up there, you know poking this part to make some random body part twitch, be pretty badass.

Brains get poked around by medical professionals all the fucking time, i wouldnt worry. And as scary as surgery is, the prospect of something easing the torture of migraines must be exciting. Ive had some medical issues i woulda killed for even the chance at surgical intervention/fix over.

I am presently in a relationship with a female to male transgender.

Serious question born out of genuine curiosity...what's the attraction physically? Most women who dig males on a physical level from my experience also dig penises. Most women who dig other women generally dont havem uch regard for penises, but also dont much dig male physiques. Do you simply dig a bit of everything, or do you just not dig penises?

What if they poke around in your brain and you come out of this obsessed with penises, or something else like knee-pits(my favorite body part)? The fuck would you do???
 
It's amazing what they can do with brains nowadays. Always wanted to get my dome cracked open just to poke around up there, you know poking this part to make some random body part twitch, be pretty badass.

Brains get poked around by medical professionals all the fucking time, i wouldnt worry. And as scary as surgery is, the prospect of something easing the torture of migraines must be exciting. Ive had some medical issues i woulda killed for even the chance at surgical intervention/fix over.



Serious question born out of genuine curiosity...what's the attraction physically? Most women who dig males on a physical level from my experience also dig penises. Most women who dig other women generally dont havem uch regard for penises, but also dont much dig male physiques. Do you simply dig a bit of everything, or do you just not dig penises?

What if they poke around in your brain and you come out of this obsessed with penises, or something else like knee-pits(my favorite body part)? The fuck would you do???
I like penises and vaginas equally. Hopefully that bit of my brain remains unscathed.
[doublepost=1509778519,1509777261][/doublepost]
Good luck Mac! :O

(Might have partially bothered actually... y'know... signing up... to say this)

Best wishes, and my thoughts are with you. Get better soon, and ask if you can keep the lump for a literal 'brain in a jar' talking point? *Hugs*
Storm I must've missed that part about you signing up for this initially. I'm sorry.
I just want you to know how honored I feel about that. Welcome to our forums as an official member!
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
 
I meet with the neurosurgeon for a consult on the 17th. So far, all I know is it will most likely be an endoscopic procedure with as little meddling as possible.

:hug: Keep strong and keep us posted!
Also, feel free to vent, scream and yell, if need be .. <3
 
Update: The neurosurgeon is performing several more tests on me before officially deciding to do surgery. I've been told that if it isn't growing or impinging on something I may get away with no surgery and have other treatment options.

The emotional impact all of this experience has made is staggering. I have definitely begun to reevaluate many aspects of my life. I stay grateful for each breath.
 

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